Category Archive: Core Values

Promises We Make #2

Posted by on December 17, 2012

This is the second in a series of posts that I want to make about what I think is a very important subject, our most important relationships.  For the people we care about the most we should be willing to make a few critical promises to demonstrate our level of commitment to them.

The first promise in the series was I will carefully listen to what you have to say.  When we sincerely want to understand what the other person is feeling and thinking we acknowledge their value as a person.

The second promise is that I will always tell you the truth.  The foundation of any relationship is the trust that is shared when I know what you are telling me is the truth.

Obviously, I am not talking about saying that Susan Boyle should become a model. If you meet her tell her she looks good and really mean it.  However, she does have a beautiful voice and she reminded us all not to judge the character of a person by their outward appearance.

When we lie to someone it says more about us than it does about them.  Not telling the truth is our way of deflecting blame and not assuming personal responsibility.

If someone tells me something that really hurts but I know in my heart it is the truth then I can still respect and trust them.  When they make it up and tell me what is convenient for the moment I am the one who is ultimately hurt and they just burned a bridge that sometimes cannot be rebuilt.

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Promises We Make #4

Posted by on February 9, 2012

This is the forth in a series of ten posts on promises we should be willing to make to the people that matter the most in our lives.  A promise goes beyond a mere commitment to do something it carries the clear expectation that we are going to pay the price to do what we said we would do.

The first promise was I will sincerely listen to what you have to say.  Really listening to someone without a personal agenda communicates to them that they have value in your life and that you sincerely care.

The second promise was I will always tell you the truth.  Without this there can be no basis of trust, just ask Elizabeth Edwards how painful that can be.

The third promise is I will apologize when I am wrong.  When someone sincerely and genuinely apologizes we know two things.  They are willing to humble themselves and they want to restore their relationship with us because we still matter to them.

The forth promise is I will forgive you when you hurt me.  There can be no lasting peace in any relationship without the power of forgiveness.  This is even more critical when someone has come to us and sincerely apologized they are asking without saying it will you please forgive me?

Forgiveness does not mean that we have the ability to forget what has happened to us but it does mean that we no longer hold that offense against the other person.  This will allow us to learn from the past and not force us to continue to live in it will all its negative memories.

The key thing about giving someone else forgiveness is that you must first have received it yourself.  You may only see your percentage of the responsibility at twenty percent but you must assume responsibility to seek forgiveness for your part before you can move on and release the other person.

This is a promise worth making to the people you care about the most in your life.

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Integrity

Posted by on October 26, 2010

The battle for our personal character is won or lost based on our integrity.  This means that there can be no hypocrisy between what we say we believe is important and what we actually are doing on a daily basis.  It is more than simply walking your talk becasue your talk is based on truth and core values that add value to others.

It is the keeping of promises and commitments to ourselves and then to others.  When you have it people can trust you because they know you are genuine, real and authentic.

Integrity is demonstrated in personal relationships with other people in two critical ways.  One is that we maintain confidentiality when dealing with others in matters where discretion is important.  Instead of using other people’s failures to get what we want we help them to get what they need.  In essence we never use their acknowledged weakness to hold it over them to get them to act in a certain way and we would never betray their trust by talking to other people.

We also make sure that we never fall into the trap of saying negative things about other people publicly that we have not first talked with them about privately.  When people hear you saying bad things about people who are not in the room, they know one day they will not be in the room either.  Being critical of other people in public never helps them and it creates a culture of positioning people in conflict with each other.

If something is not important enough to say to another person privately then it is certainly not important enough to criticize them openly in front of other people.

 

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Courage

Posted by on September 29, 2010

One of the most important character qualities of effective leaders is courage.  It is the ability to act in the midst of adversity and seemingly difficult circumstances.

Courage flows out of our core values as individuals because they give us clarity when we are in the midst of conflict and confusing situations.  When you believe you are doing the right thing for the right reason then you can make good decisions.

It takes courage to pay the price to change the culture of any organization because you know there will be resistance.  However, when you know it is the best interest of the people involved you can act with conviction because you know they will be benefited when the transition is complete.

It takes courage to admit you were wrong and did not make the right decision.  When people know you are keeping it real it will not cause them to respect you less but just the opposite they will trust you more as leader.

It takes courage to terminate an underperforming employee that is liked by everyone and who does not want to go.  You must believe that it will benefit your team and that it is ultimately for their good to get them to a place where they can be successful.

It takes courage to walk away from all the good things that you could be doing to concentrate only on the best things.  Leaders with courage can say no with emphasis although all the rest of the world is saying yes.

 

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Calendars and Checkbooks

Posted by on March 1, 2010

We all want to accomplish the things that are really important in life and learn the discipline to walk away from everything else.  Most of us have not taken the time to write down specific goals in a life plan that involves everything personal, family, faith, friends and our professional lives.

So how do we know if we are just filling our schedules with things to do without any serious evaluation or if those are the things that should even be done at all?  We don’t want to get to the end of our lives and look back realizing that a lot of our time was totally wasted on things that don’t really matter.

A great place to start is to evaluate how we are spending our time and our money.  Calendars can tell us a lot about our core values and priorities because they reflect the choices we are making.  No doubt some of our time is not our own to schedule but how we are spending a large percentage of it reflects what is really a priority and what is not.

Are you making time for the people and relationships that you care about the most or are they getting the leftovers at best?  If you really  want to know take the time to track how you are spending your time for at least a month.  You will be amazed how much of it is scheduled based on what appears to be urgent at the time but in the end is not really important at all.

The next big indicator of what is a priority in our lives is to look at how we are spending our finances.  If we are living beyond our means and accumulating unnecessary debt then we have a major character problem that must be addressed.

More stress is brought into marriage by this one area than almost anything else.  The only solution is again to write down a budget that includes all of your expenses and then have the discipline to post all your transactions and make necessary adjustments to live within your income.

You may think this sounds like way too much work to me and I am already busy enough.  Trust me you are already using calendars and checkbooks anyway but you may not be gaining any of the benefits of leading your life instead of just letting it happen.

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The Role Of Contentment In Simple Living

Posted by on July 30, 2009

We are reminded in scripture that we brought nothing into this world and it is certain that we can take nothing out when we leave therefore having food and clothing we should be content. This does not mean we should all take a vow of poverty and live in a monastery.

We have all been given gifts and talents and we should with passion and excellence use them to the best of our ability to impact the world for good. The point is that regardless of wealth or poverty we should learn to lead a life that is not driven by things that don’t really matter.

In Richard Swenson great book on Margin he list several characteristics of simple living that are helpful:

1. Voluntary—If the simple life is forced, it ceases to be simple. This is a choice based on core values not something that is demanded.

2. Free—One of the key features of simplicity and at the same time, one of its principal advantages is that it is a life of freedom. It is being controlled by that which is life-giving and refusing to be controlled by that which is destructive.

3. Uncluttered—Emotionally we release our worries, we reconcile our relationships, we forgive our enemies and we begin anew each day.

4. Creative—Life is not boring just because it is simple. Simplicity sets the imagination free to work and to enjoy.

5. Authentic—A simple lifestyle must distinguish between the spiritually authentic and spiritually inauthentic. Biblical authenticity includes those things God has told us to focus on, those things that have eternal, God-assigned value: people, love, service, worship, prayer, self-denial, relationships, contentment, freedom, and rest.

6. Disciplined—Restraint is necessary for successful living, and all the more for simple living. Comfort is not a legitimate primary goal—authenticity is.

All Christians have made peace with God through their faith in Jesus Christ but all Christians do not live on a daily basis with the peace of God. This kind of peace only comes as the fruit of a contented life.

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Promises We Make

Posted by on July 24, 2009

This is the seventh in a series of ten posts on promises we should be willing to make to the people that matter the most in our lives.  A promise goes beyond a mere commitment to do something it carries the clear expectation that we are going to pay the price to do what we said we would do.

The first promise was I will sincerely listen to what you have to say.  Really listening to someone without a personal agenda communicates to them that they have value in your life and that you sincerely care.

The second promise was I will always tell you the truth.  Without this there can be no basis of trust, just ask Elizabeth Edwards how painful that can be.

The third promise is I will apologize when I am wrong.  When someone sincerely and genuinely apologizes we know two things.  They are willing to humble themselves and they want to restore their relationship with us because we still matter to them.

The forth promise is I will forgive you when you hurt me.  There can be no lasting peace in any relationship without the power of forgiveness.  This is even more critical when someone has come to us and sincerely apologized they are asking without saying it will you please forgive me.

The fifth promise is I will live with hope and believe the best.  Relationships are messy and there are always going to be times when people do or say things that upset us.  It is at that precise moment that we have a critical choice to make about how we process what we are hearing.  The bottom line is we will either choose to believe the best about the other person or we will assume the worst. 

The sixth promise is I will not manipulate change in you.  This deals with our core motivation when we interact with other people.  If our goal in sharing with this person is to only tell them what they are doing wrong and why they should be the one to change then we are manipulating. 

The seventh promise is I will always love you no matter what.  This lets the other person know that our love for them is not based on what they do or how they act but who they are as a person.

It in the truest sense it is unconditional love based on grace given and not performance earned.  This gives people the freedom to fail in their relationship with us without the fear of total rejection on our part because of some mistake they have made.

It is impossible to love someone in this way unless you have first received this kind of love yourself.  Once you have experience God’s love you have the capacity to pass it own to others.  You cannot give to someone else what you have not first received yourself.

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Priority Of Personal Development

Posted by on July 22, 2009

I was attending a conference many years ago and heard for the first time this life changing quote, “You will be the same person in five years as you are today except for the people you meet and the books you read.”  I made a commitment on that day to apply this principle in my life.

The people you meet part of this development applies to all of life.  There is great wisdom in finding people who know more than you do about your area of expertise or interest and asking them for a meeting so that you can learn all that you can from someone who has already been where you want to go.  Every year you should have a list of at least ten new individuals that are successful and willing to invest in your life.

Please do not limit this to your professional life because you can find people everywhere who are great spouses or parents or involved in church and community work.  Some of the greatest connections I have ever made were in the normal flow of life because I was always looking for someone who could teach me something.

In the area of reading I have found that for every ten books that I read on a particular subject I will find at least one that will permanently change my life for good.  These become the books that you read at least once a year just to remind yourself of all the truths that you need to make sure you are applying in your life.

One of the disciplines I have developed over the years is that I will write the power statements or great quotes on the inside flyleaf of every good book so that I can always go back for a quick review.  If you will set a goal of at least one new book a month to start you will be amazed by how much your life will change because as you read your capacity to understand and develop new skills will be exponentially multiplied.

I am sure if this quote were made today it would include some reference to the incredible amount of information on the web.  Today you can read blogs and watch videos by some of the greatest communicators on life’s most challenging subjects whenever you want and usually without any cost but your time.

All learning that enhances personal development is an investment in your future that will give you an incredible return on your investment.

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The Nostalgia Of The Past

Posted by on July 20, 2009

Most of us are over scheduled and have way too much stress in our lives.  As a reaction to the pressure of the present we often find ourselves looking back and longing for a time when life was simpler and slower than it is today.

What we selectively seem to forget is that the past had its own set of problems and even though things may have been slower that does not mean they were better.  When we live in the past we also are blinded to the blessings of the present and are not able to enjoy what we have that is good in our lives.

In Richard Swenson’s book entitled Margin he deals with this romantic mentality of turning back the clock to a better time.  He writes, “The analogy of a clock is not helpful.  It is not the question of a clock, but a compass.  The issue is not chronology, but direction.”

It is impossible to create more time in any given day.  With that reality clearly in mind then we are only left with two options.  We must know what is important each and every day and make sure those are the things that get done.

What is not so clear is that this does not mean adding these important things to an already full calendar.  The ability to know what to say no to on a moment by moment basis is the only way we will have the emotional, spiritual and physical margin we need to live today without regrets.

Clocks can only tell you what time it is while your personal compass can tell you what to do with your time.  Big Difference!!!!!!!

 

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Credibility The Foundation For Leadership

Posted by on July 17, 2009

There are many leadership qualities that must be present in the leader if people are going to trust them to the point of following.  It is very important to be committed, competent and inspiring but without credibility especially today people will see you as a fake and be totally turned off.

The bottom line is regardless of how visionary the message if they cannot believe in the messenger then trust is destroyed.  People may show up for work but their heart is not in it and although they seem positive in front of superiors they are constantly critical with their peers in private.

If leaders are to maintain credibility they have to walk the talk and personally practice what they preach.  When their actions are inconsistent with their words and they do not follow through on their promises then they are no longer seen as authentic.

When team members work on a project for a long time and produce great results only to see the leader take an inappropriate amount of the credit they feel burned.  They want to see leaders who give credit to others and assume personal responsibility when they make mistakes.

If the leader is seen as real when things are not going well people will give them the benefit of the doubt every time.  When leaders are hypocritical and things are even going well they will get polite support but in reality they have lost the confidence of their team and sadly don’t even know it.

 

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