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Category Archive: Core Values

Lessons From Michael Jackson

Posted by on July 8, 2009

We have all been affected by the sudden death of Michael Jackson in different ways. Some of us feel compassion for the children who are left behind to grow up in the huge shadow of their father. Others are feeling regret for such a waste of a very talented person who lost so much of what really matters during his life.

Most of us will never have to deal with all of the things that Michael did that come with being a famous celebrity who earns millions of dollars in income. However we all have to deal with the life issues that he faced:

1. Resolve Past Hurts—if you do not deal with the pain from when people close to you have failed you when you were growing up then you will surely carry those open wounds into adulthood. The tragedy for all of us is when the core issues that we are dealing with as adults are really problems that surfaced many years ago but were never appropriately resolved.

2. Trust Right People—show me who your friends are and I can tell you a lot about your character. The temptation for all of us is to surround ourselves with people who tell us all that we want to hear but they really don’t care enough to tell us the truth. These people make us feel good for the moment but leave us eventually broken and empty when the fun runs out.

3. Develop Core Values—there is no doubt in my mind that many times Michael wanted to do the right thing and really wanted to help people. When you don’t have a solid foundation to build on you will consistently make very bad decisions that seem extremely inconsistent with whom you want to be as a person.

4. Decide How Much Is Enough—driven people are never satisfied because they are trying to satisfy their deepest needs with things that can never bring real peace and fulfillment in life. If you are not content with what you have now there is no reason to believe you will be in the future regardless of how much you get.

Michael Jackson’s legacy will be a hotly debated subject for years to come. Some only see the bad and others refuse to say anything was wrong at all. Will the people closest to you be debating your legacy when you are gone or will they all agree it was a life well spent.

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Faith vs. Trust

Posted by on July 7, 2009

In the Christian life we are taught from the very beginning the importance that faith plays in our lives. Without it we cannot know God on a personal relationship level and we cannot reach our potential in this life without putting it into practice every day.

Faith allows us to not only believe that God exists but that everything He has promised us in His word is true. Beyond that the core issue is that God is able to do what He has said and there is nothing too hard for Him.

If faith answers the question Is God able then trust answers the question Is God good? Trust goes beyond faith and believes that everything He has asked me to do is not only for His glory but also for my good.

When suffering comes faith will help you to believe that God is able to deliver you out of your trials but trust helps you to rest in the fact that if you are not delivered His grace will still be sufficient.

Most Christians are no longer afraid of what God is going to do to them because they have the complete assurance of their salvation. However, the major problem is that we daily walk in the fear of what God might do with us if we fully surrender our lives to Him.

There is no greater deception for the believer than to fear the One who loves you the most. Yes God is able but far more than that He is also good.

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Promises We Make

Posted by on July 3, 2009

This is the sixth in a series of ten posts on promises we should be willing to make to the people that matter the most in our lives. A promise goes beyond a mere commitment to do something it carries the clear expectation that we are going to pay the price to do what we said we would do.

The first promise was I will sincerely listen to what you have to say. Really listening to someone without a personal agenda communicates to them that they have value in your life and that you sincerely care.

The second promise was I will always tell you the truth. Without this there can be no basis of trust, just ask Elizabeth Edwards how painful that can be.

The third promise is I will apologize when I am wrong. When someone sincerely and genuinely apologizes we know two things. They are willing to humble themselves and they want to restore their relationship with us because we still matter to them.

The forth promise is I will forgive you when you hurt me. There can be no lasting peace in any relationship without the power of forgiveness. This is even more critical when someone has come to us and sincerely apologized they are asking without saying it will you please forgive me.

The fifth promise is I will live with hope and believe the best. Relationships are messy and there are always going to be times when people do or say things that upset us. It is at that precise moment that we have a critical choice to make about how we process what we are hearing. The bottom line is we will either choose to believe the best about the other person or we will assume the worst.

The sixth promise is I will not manipulate change in you. This deals with our core motivation when we interact with other people. If our goal in sharing with this person is to only tell them what they are doing wrong and why they should be the one to change then we are manipulating.

We must first assume personal responsibility for whatever percentage of the problem is our responsibility by admitting it and giving a sincere apology. Then and only then are we ready to talk to the person about what they did in a way that will really try to help them to move forward as well.

It is very easy to see what other people are doing wrong and sometimes almost impossible to see the blind spots in our own lives. When people first see our humility then they will be open to our advice.

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The Winning Attitude

Posted by on July 2, 2009

Lou Holtz the famous football coach once said, “Ability is what you’re capable of doing, motivation determines what you do and attitude determines how well you do it.” We have heard all our lives how important a role our attitude plays in everything we do every day.

In John Maxwell’s book The Winning Attitude he says that it is absolutely your key to personal success. His list several key principles about how attitude impacts every part of our lives:

1. Our attitude determines our approach to life

2. Our attitude determines our relationships with people

3. Often our attitude is the only difference between success and failure

4. Our attitude at the beginning of a task will affect its outcome more than anything else

5. Our attitude can turn our problems into blessings

6. Our attitude can give us an uncommonly positive perspective

Maintaing the proper perspective is probably the most important one for me. We are all going to encounter problems and setbacks in our lives. It is very important to remember when you are going through difficult times not to focus on what you have lost but what you still have to be thankful for all around you. When you choose to see the glass for the way it is more than half full it will give you the perspective you need to deal with all the other issues.

I found the following to be very helpful about What is an attitude?

It is the “advance man” of our true selves

Its roots are inward but its fruit is outward

It is our best friend or our worst enemy

It is more honest and more consistent that our words

It is an outward look based on past experiences

It is a thing which draws people to us or repels them away

It is never content until it is expressed

It is the librarian of our past

It is the speaker of our present

It is the prophet of our future

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Promises We Make

Posted by on June 25, 2009

This is the fifth in a series of ten posts on promises we should be willing to make to the people that matter the most in our lives. A promise goes beyond a mere commitment to do something it carries the clear expectation that we are going to pay the price to do what we said we would do.

The second promise was I will always tell you the truth. Without this there can be no basis of trust, just ask Elizabeth Edwards how painful that can be.

The motive behind the message a person is communicating is extremely important. Most of the time it will not be immediately apparent what their motive is but every time we bring our own presuppositions and expectations into each conversation.

The bottom line is we will either choose to believe the best about the other person or we will assume the worst. When we assume the worst we will walk away hurt or even bitter. When we assume the best regardless of what they say and how upset they are we can give them a pass because we trust their heart.

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Rinsing Your Cottage Cheese

Posted by on June 22, 2009

There were many profound conclusions reached by Jim Collins research team that were documented in his bestselling book Good to Great. The principle of rinsing your cottage cheese received a small amount of space in the book but may be one of the key principles that separate those organizations who merely survive in this economy and those who thrive.

This analogy comes from a disciplined world-class athlete named Dave Scott, who won the Hawaii Ironman Triathlon six times. Even though he had a training schedule that would burn at least 5,000 calories per day he would still rinse his cottage cheese to get the extra fat off.

From a business planning model this represents the last 10 percent of work that most people are not willing to do or even know exists to make their project or program the best it possibly could be. Most people are willing to settle for 75-90% effort and feel that should really represent the best they can produce.

Sometimes the last 10% represents seemingly little things like a spot on the carpet or windows that have not been cleaned. However that can be the very thing that a customer will notice and come to the conclusion that if you do not care about those areas what else are you not doing to be your best that they cannot see.

Collins writes, “Everyone would like to be the best, but most organizations lack the discipline to figure out with egoless clarity what they can be the best at and the will to do whatever it takes to turn that potential into reality.” Bottom line they lack the character and the discipline to rinse their cottage cheese.

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Promises We Make

Posted by on June 16, 2009

This is the forth in a series of ten posts on promises we should be willing to make to the people that matter the most in our lives. A promise goes beyond a mere commitment to do something it carries the clear expectation that we are going to pay the price to do what we said we would do.

The second promise was I will always tell you the truth. Without this there can be no basis of trust, just ask Elizabeth Edwards how painful that can be.

Forgiveness does not mean that we have the ability to forget what has happened to us but it does mean that we no longer hold that offense against the other person. This will allow us to learn from the past and not force us to continue to live in it will all its negative memories.

The key thing about giving someone else forgiveness is that you must first have received it yourself. You may only see your percentage of the responsibility at twenty percent but you must assume responsibility to seek forgiveness for your part before you can move on and release the other person.

This is a promise worth making to the people you care about the most in your life.

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How To Create A Legacy

Posted by on June 8, 2009

I have attended a lot of funerals over the years and the one common denominator is in every service someone is trying to communicate the legacy of the person who has died. There are some patterns I have noticed when people have lived their lives in such a way that truly leaves a mark on the world.

Begin With End In Mind-All of the people that really made a difference took the long look about life and determined what they wanted the top priorities to be in their lives when it was over. When a person values friendships then you can see a pattern from there earliest years all throughout their lives where other people came first. If you want to be known for something later then you need to live it now.

Leave Something Better Than Found It- This is the type of person that is always trying to help others be successful and is not consumed about themselves. If they are a leader in the corporate world they are not looking out for number one they want the department or the corporation to be better when they leave than when they came. The true test of someone’s leadership is not when he or she is there but what happens when they are gone.

Gave Away More Than They Took– In the end people are either more consumers or contributors. They see other people as a means to their end or they see other people as the target of their generous spirit. These are the people that are always adding value to whatever they do from community involvement, relationships, work and faith. They simply love to give more than they take and people are moved by their humility and servant heart.

It is never to late to work on your legacy. The really important thing is taking the time to decide what you want it to be and then when the time comes other people will gladly step up and write your eulogy for you.

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Goals vs. Desires

Posted by on June 5, 2009

Many times we put a tremendous amount of emotional energy and effort into something only to realize that nothing has changed. We are worn out with all the work and feel very empty because we are not getting any positive results.

The core problem most of the time when this happens in my life is when I confuse goals and desires. A desire is something I want to happen but in the end have no control over the outcome. On the other hand a goal is something I want or need and do have direct control over the outcome.

For example you could have a relationship that you care about deeply but no matter how hard you try the other person seems to be unresponsive. Even though my motives may be right when my methods center around trying to change the other person I have taken a desire and turned it into a goal.

In relationships the only goal that I should ever have is to change myself. In doing that it may indeed have a positive impact on the other person but that must remain a desire and never become a goal.

We hit the wall when we are working on things over which we have no control and that drains us. Even worse it keeps us from doing the very things we can control and that discourages us.

This principle applies both to our personal and professional lives. None of us has the responsibility to solve the global recession but we do have control over our own character.

The old axiom of do what you can with what you have right where you are is a great place to start.

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Coaching

Posted by on June 3, 2009

If you need help in making some major decisions in your life coaching may be exactly what you need. There are many types of coaches available from executive, life, fitness and even spiritual.

The one major thing you need to understand about coaching is that it is not counseling or therapy. The major focus will not be your past and the things that have gone wrong but the future and how you want it to look.

Great coaches don’t have the answers to all your questions. Their role is to help you by knowing how to ask the right questions so you can see why you may be stuck and what your options are as you move forward.

A coach might ask, What is the one major area in your life you would like to change that would improve your life? Then, What do you want that area to look like six months from now? Finally, What do you need to do this week to start closing that gap?

Another important aspect of coaching is accountability. It really helps when you have someone who is on your side and offers the necessary what do you want to accomplish before our next time together type questions.

With this accountability comes encouragement that reminds you of what you said you wanted to do to change your life and gives you the confidence that you can make it happen.

My experience in using a coach was incredible. So what are you waiting for give them a no charge to you first call and see if it feels like a good fit.

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