Category Archive: Church Scattered

Responsibility The First Step

Posted by on September 20, 2013

This is a great post by John Maxwell on driving home the point that you must own what you can change and don’t worry about what you cannot.

“Who is responsible for what happens in your life? Do you believe you should take personal responsibility? Or do you feel as if that is outside of your control and there’s little or nothing you can do about it?

Psychologists say that some people possess an internal locus of control, where they rely primarily on themselves for the gains and losses in their lives.”

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3 Ways To Create A Legacy

Posted by on September 13, 2013

I have attended a lot of funerals over the years and the one common denominator is in every service someone is trying to communicate the legacy of the person who has died.  There are some patterns I have noticed when people have lived their lives in such a way that truly leaves a mark on the world.

Begin With End In Mind-All of the people that really made a difference took the long look about life and determined what they wanted the top priorities to be in their lives when it was over.  When a person values friendships then you can see a pattern from there earliest years all throughout their lives where other people came first.  If you want to be known for something later then you need to live it now.

Leave Something Better Than Found It- This is the type of person that is always trying to help others be successful and is not consumed about themselves.  If they are a leader in the corporate world they are not looking out for number one they want the department or the corporation to be better when they leave than when they came.  The true test of someone’s leadership is not when he or she is there but what happens when they are gone.

Gave Away More Than They Took–  In the end people are either more consumers or contributors.  They see other people as a means to their end or they see other people as the target of their generous spirit.  These are the people that are always adding value to whatever they do from community involvement, relationships, work and faith.  They simply love to give more than they take and people are moved by their humility and servant heart.

It is never to late to work on your legacy.  The really important thing is taking the time to decide what you want it to be and then when the time comes other people will gladly step up and write your eulogy for you.

What practical steps are you taking to build your legacy?

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6 Ways To Make Emotional Deposits

Posted by on September 3, 2013

We are all familiar with the metaphor of making emotional deposits and taking withdrawals from another person both personally and professionally.  When you end up taking more than you give to another person you end up with a negative balance and believe me there are serious fees and late charges involved.

Stephen Covey in his great book Seven Habits of Highly Effective People gives us six ways that we can make sure we are making deposits on a consistent basis with another person:

  1. Understanding the Individual—really seeking to understand another person is probably one of the most important deposits you can make, and it is the key to every other deposit.  You simply don’t know what constitutes a deposit to another person until you understand that individual.
  2. Attending to the Little Things—the little kindnesses and courtesies are so important.  Small discourtesies, little unkindness’s, little forms of disrespect make large withdrawals.  In relationships, the little things are the big things.
  3. Keeping Commitments—keeping a commitment or a promise is a major deposit; breaking one is a major withdrawal.  In fact, there’s probably not a more massive withdrawal than to make a promise that’s important to someone and then not to come through.
  4. Clarifying Expectations—the cause of almost all relationship difficulties is rooted in conflicting or ambiguous expectations around roles and goals.  That’s why it’s so important whenever you come into a new situation to get all the expectations out on the table.
  5. Showing Personal Integrity—personal integrity generates trust and is the basis of many different kinds of deposits. One of the most important ways to manifest integrity is to be loyal to those who are not present because that builds trust with those who are.
  6. Apologizing Sincerely When You Make a Withdrawal—when we make withdrawals from the Emotional Bank Account, we need to apologize and we need to do in sincerely.  Great deposits come in the sincere words we share with the people we have hurt.

What are some ways that have worked for you to make emotional deposits?

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The Nostalgia Of The Past

Posted by on August 21, 2013

Most of us are over scheduled and have way too much stress in our lives.  As a reaction to the pressure of the present we often find ourselves looking back and longing for a time when life was simpler and slower than it is today.

What we selectively seem to forget is that the past had its own set of problems and even though things may have been slower that does not mean they were better.  When we live in the past we also are blinded to the blessings of the present and are not able to enjoy what we have that is good in our lives.

In Richard Swenson’s book entitled Margin he deals with this romantic mentality of turning back the clock to a better time.  He writes, “The analogy of a clock is not helpful.  It is not the question of a clock, but a compass.  The issue is not chronology, but direction.”

It is impossible to create more time in any given day.  With that reality clearly in mind then we are only left with two options.  We must know what is important each and every day and make sure those are the things that get done.

What is not so clear is that this does not mean adding these important things to an already full calendar.  The ability to know what to say no to on a moment by moment basis is the only way we will have the emotional, spiritual and physical margin we need to live today without regrets.

Clocks can only tell you what time it is while your personal compass can tell you what to do with your time.  Big Difference!!!!!!!

How do you maintain margin in your life?

 

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Marriage Must Have Love & Respect

Posted by on August 16, 2013

There have been a lot of great marriage books written over the last twenty years.  The Marriage Builder by Larry Crabb is probably the best based on how our individual needs for security and significance impact our relationship with our spouse.

Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is extremely good from the standpoint of giving a simple foundational framework for the major role that each partner needs to play in the marriage.  Then the book gives lots of practical applications and illustrations on how to live this out in real world.

He writes that the husband should love his wife by:

  1. Closeness—she wants you to be close
  2. Openness—she wants you to open up to her
  3. Understanding—don’t try to fix her; just listen
  4. Peacemaking—she wants you to say, “I’m Sorry”
  5. Loyalty—she needs to know you’re committed
  6. Esteem—she wants you to honor and cherish her

The wife should respect her husband by:

  1. Conquest—appreciate his desire to work and achieve
  2. Hierarchy—appreciate his desire to protect and provide
  3. Authority—appreciate his desire to serve and to lead
  4. Insight—appreciate his desire to analyze and counsel
  5. Relationship—appreciate his desire for shoulder-to-shoulder friendship
  6. Sexuality—appreciate his desire for sexual intimacy

One of the very helpful points that he continues to make throughout the book is just because our needs make us so different that does not make either of us wrong.  When we assume the best about our spouse’s motives then we can give them the benefit of the doubt when they fall short of giving us what we want and need.

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Sorry For Wrong Reason

Posted by on July 27, 2013

I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have been sorry in my life.  As I look back on all the mistakes I have made and the consequences I have suffered a clear pattern has developed.

Most of the time when I have been sorry it has been for the wrong reason.  I was sorry that I had been caught saying or doing the wrong thing and I knew that there was a price to be paid.

My sorrow was that I was not going to get to do what I wanted and it was nothing more than a form of self pity disguised as real quilt.  I was sorry because of the personal embarrassment factor and how people would think negatively of me as a person.

I also say I am sorry many times just to end an unpleasant conversation so that I do not have to deal with my own personal responsibility.  It can be a quick fix but never a permanent solution.

Sometimes I went a step further and really felt sorry for the damage I had done to other people.  Because of my actions they had to suffer and no one should ever feel good about that.

I will never forget the first time I really understood II Corinthians 7: 9, “Now I rejoice, not that you were made sorry, but that your sorrow led to repentance.  For you were made sorry in a godly manner, that you might suffer loss from us in nothing.”

God is not very impressed with our prayers that merely tell him what He already knows about our mistakes.  What He is looking for is a genuine spiritual grief at what we have done because we have believed a lie by not trusting Him.

Sorrow is never real until we change what we believed in our minds to what God has already said in His word.  There really is a change of mind that always produces a change of direction.  Sorry, anything less is a disgrace to grace.

Why is it important to be sorry for the right reason?

 

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Radical

Posted by on June 22, 2013

The subtitle of this great new book by David Platt is taking back your faith from the American Dream.  This is by far one of the most challenging and rewarding books I have read in a long time.

When you become a follower of Christ you accept both the privileges and responsibilities of that relationship.  Discipleship demands radical obedience to be on the mission of impacting the world with the gospel.

The mission is to be carried out as you are going about your life everyday at home, work, neighborhood, community and ultimately to the ends of earth.  This means that we all need to see ourselves as missionaries and our task is to tell our story to as many people as possible.

The most challenging part of the book is how we as American Christians have bought into the lie of the world and committed the sin of materialism.  He is not saying in my opinion sell everything you have and give it all to the poor. 

He is saying that we have been blessed beyond measure compared with the rest of the world and every Christian should be living a lifestyle that reflects biblical priorities.  We may not need to sell it all but we sure don’t need to buy it all either and we must be generous in helping others who are literally dying every day from preventable causes.

According to David, “today more than a billion people in the world live and die in desperate poverty.”  This reality forces us to move beyond mere knowledge and even debate to sustainable action that seeks to do something to help. 

How many starfish are you willing to throw back into the sea?

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Final Performance Review

Posted by on June 14, 2013

 

We have all had good and bad experiences with this wonderful but sometimes problematic annual rite of passage in corporate America.  It is always helpful to know what is expected of you and to hear from your superiors how they think you are doing.

As Christians we must never forget that ultimately our real employer is our heavenly Father. Because of the price He paid for our redemption we should have a passion to live our lives in reckless abandonment to His will.

His expectations are very clear as we are going about our everyday lives we are to be spreading the aroma of His grace to all of the people we come in contact with in every situation.  Our lives should be living epistles to be known and read by all at home, at work and in the normal patterns of life.

As we unconditionally minister grace to other people we are earning the trust and opportunity to share with them the reason of the hope that lies within us.  Our conviction is that stuff and success don’t really matter in the end but what we have done to move others toward knowing Christ does.

Jesus said it so clearly that it cannot be missed as the Father has sent Him into world He now sends us. We are to be storytellers of His personal grace and compassion in our lives and hope givers for all the broken people who live in utter despair.

During my final performance review I only want to hear one comment, “Well done my good and faithful servant.”

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Promises We Make #7

Posted by on May 24, 2013

This is the seventh in a series of ten posts on promises we should be willing to make to the people that matter the most in our lives.  A promise goes beyond a mere commitment to do something it carries the clear expectation that we are going to pay the price to do what we said we would do.

The first promise was I will sincerely listen to what you have to say.  Really listening to someone without a personal agenda communicates to them that they have value in your life and that you sincerely care.

The second promise was I will always tell you the truth.  Without this there can be no basis of trust, just ask Elizabeth Edwards how painful that can be.

The third promise is I will apologize when I am wrong.  When someone sincerely and genuinely apologizes we know two things.  They are willing to humble themselves and they want to restore their relationship with us because we still matter to them.

The forth promise is I will forgive you when you hurt me.  There can be no lasting peace in any relationship without the power of forgiveness.  This is even more critical when someone has come to us and sincerely apologized they are asking without saying it will you please forgive me.

The fifth promise is I will live with hope and believe the best.  Relationships are messy and there are always going to be times when people do or say things that upset us.  It is at that precise moment that we have a critical choice to make about how we process what we are hearing.  The bottom line is we will either choose to believe the best about the other person or we will assume the worst.

The sixth promise is I will not manipulate change in you.  This deals with our core motivation when we interact with other people.  If our goal in sharing with this person is to only tell them what they are doing wrong and why they should be the one to change then we are manipulating.

The seventh promise is I will always love you no matter what.  This lets the other person know that our love for them is not based on what they do or how they act but who they are as a person.

It in the truest sense it is unconditional love based on grace given and not performance earned.  This gives people the freedom to fail in their relationship with us without the fear of total rejection on our part because of some mistake they have made.

It is impossible to love someone in this way unless you have first received this kind of love yourself.  Once you have experience God’s love you have the capacity to pass it own to others.  You cannot give to someone else what you have not first received yourself.

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