Category Archive: Church Scattered

Forgiveness

Posted by on May 13, 2013

One spiritual principle that cannot be violated is that you cannot pass on to others what you have not first received yourself.  This is very hard to do when someone else has hurt us deeply and we find it so difficult to really forgive them.

When we feel the other person is wrong and they are the ones who have caused us pain then why should we give them a release from the debt they so clearly owe?

If we do not forgive them then we will be permanently emotionally bound to them because the issue will never be resolved.  We wake up every day with the memory of this person and our pain as we literally relive the event in our minds over and over again.

The only way out of this bondage is to have the courage to ask ourselves what percentage of the problem is our responsibility.  After all by now we are also wrong because of what we said or the anger and bitterness we feel inside.

If our responsibility is only twenty percent of the problem we must realize that we now have to resolve our relationship with our Heavenly Father.  We can never justify our wrong behavior as a Christian regardless of what someone else has done or said.

Once we have been forgiven and receive the grace we need then for the first time we are in a position to pass that same grace on to the other person.  Now we have peace instead of the pain of the past and regardless of how the other person responds to God’s grace we are free.

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The Danger Of Debt

Posted by on April 5, 2013

There is wide agreement among most evangelicals that acquiring debt as a principle is not sinful but the accumulation of it can be devastating.  The borrower is indeed servant to the lender and when we use debt instead of living within our means then we have crossed a line that can lead to broken homes and failed businesses.

As someone who has counseled many couples with marriage problems a clear majority of the time financial problems are near top of the list.  When couples do not take the time to develop budgets that reflect their mutual priorities in life then they eventually grow emotionally distant because they are trying to find happiness in things rather than relationships.

In a very real sense when we consistently have a lifestyle that is supported by debt rather than income we are living a lie.  Whether it’s the clothes we wear, the car we drive or the home we live in, the bottom line is we are trying to meet a real need in the wrong way.

The only way we can maintain our integrity as a believer is to make sure when we have to acquire debt that we clearly have the means to pay it back within a reasonable time period.  When we fail to pay our bills on time and in full we damage our testimony as a Christian and lost people see absolutely no difference in our values than the rest of the world.

God tells us clearly in His word that if we cannot be trusted with material things then we surely cannot be trusted with the deeper and more important spiritual truths in life.  He promised to meet our basic needs but we must all come to the place of answering the question: How much is enough?

The ability to gain wealth according to scripture comes from God.  He expects us to use that ability wisely and yes meet our needs but more than that have plenty left over to share with those who do not have enough food or water to make it another day.

 

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Promises We Make #6

Posted by on April 3, 2013

This is the sixth in a series of ten posts on promises we should be willing to make to the people that matter the most in our lives.  A promise goes beyond a mere commitment to do something it carries the clear expectation that we are going to pay the price to do what we said we would do.

The first promise was I will sincerely listen to what you have to say.  Really listening to someone without a personal agenda communicates to them that they have value in your life and that you sincerely care.

The second promise was I will always tell you the truth.  Without this there can be no basis of trust, just ask Elizabeth Edwards how painful that can be.

The third promise is I will apologize when I am wrong.  When someone sincerely and genuinely apologizes we know two things.  They are willing to humble themselves and they want to restore their relationship with us because we still matter to them.

The forth promise is I will forgive you when you hurt me.  There can be no lasting peace in any relationship without the power of forgiveness.  This is even more critical when someone has come to us and sincerely apologized they are asking without saying it will you please forgive me.

The fifth promise is I will live with hope and believe the best.  Relationships are messy and there are always going to be times when people do or say things that upset us.  It is at that precise moment that we have a critical choice to make about how we process what we are hearing.  The bottom line is we will either choose to believe the best about the other person or we will assume the worst.

The sixth promise is I will not manipulate change in you.  This deals with our core motivation when we interact with other people.  If our goal in sharing with this person is to only tell them what they are doing wrong and why they should be the one to change then we are manipulating.

We must first assume personal responsibility for whatever percentage of the problem is our responsibility by admitting it and giving a sincere apology.  Then and only then are we ready to talk to the person about what they did in a way that will really try to help them to move forward as well.

It is very easy to see what other people are doing wrong and sometimes almost impossible to see the blind spots in our own lives.  When people first see our humility then they will be open to our advice.

Categories: Core Values Spiritual Growth | Comments Off on Promises We Make #6

Promises We Make #5

Posted by on March 25, 2013

This is the fifth in a series of ten posts on promises we should be willing to make to the people that matter the most in our lives.  A promise goes beyond a mere commitment to do something it carries the clear expectation that we are going to pay the price to do what we said we would do.

The first promise was I will sincerely listen to what you have to say.  Really listening to someone without a personal agenda communicates to them that they have value in your life and that you sincerely care.

The second promise was I will always tell you the truth.  Without this there can be no basis of trust, just ask Elizabeth Edwards how painful that can be.

The third promise is I will apologize when I am wrong.  When someone sincerely and genuinely apologizes we know two things.  They are willing to humble themselves and they want to restore their relationship with us because we still matter to them.

The forth promise is I will forgive you when you hurt me.  There can be no lasting peace in any relationship without the power of forgiveness.  This is even more critical when someone has come to us and sincerely apologized they are asking without saying it will you please forgive me.

The fifth promise is I will live with hope and believe the best.  Relationships are messy and there are always going to be times when people do or say things that upset us.  It is at that precise moment that we have a critical choice to make about how we process what we are hearing.

The motive behind the message a person is communicating is extremely important.  Most of the time it will not be immediately apparent what their motive is but every time we bring our own presuppositions and expectations into each conversation.

The bottom line is we will either choose to believe the best about the other person or we will assume the worst.  When we assume the worst we will walk away hurt or even bitter.  When we assume the best regardless of what they say and how upset they are we can give them a pass because we trust their heart.

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Time vs. Timing

Posted by on February 12, 2013

When we all think about the concept of time we tend to focus on the immediate and what needs to be done right now.  Timing on the other hand takes the long look and always wants to ask the question why am I really doing this?

That pause to look beyond what I need or want to happen now can keep us from making some major mistakes in our lives that haunt us for years.

1.       Time focus hurts relationships:  All of us have been hurt or offended by what someone else has said or done at home and at work.  If we react in the moment many times we will say the wrong thing only to wish later we could take it back.  It is never enough just to be right we must say the right thing the right way and especially at the right time.  If your son just failed a major test it is probably not the right time for you to start that you are not going to be able to get into college speech again.

2.      Time focus diminishes faith:  When Joseph was in prison for something he did not do I am sure he wanted out now and many hours were spent questioning God’s judgment.  Joseph was concerned about immediately changing his circumstances while God was concerned about building a nation to lead in His plan of worldwide redemption for the whole human race. 

3.      Time focus rewards urgency:  Just because something hits our inbox or demands that we deal with an immediate crisis at work does not mean that it is really important.  Driven people are extremely busy doing everything they can as fast as they can without ever asking the question should this be done at all?  Time focus is all about efficiency of schedule while timing is primarily concerned about effectiveness of resuts. 

 

As people of faith we must be patient and remember that even sometimes to our dismay God is never early but always to our benefit He is never late.  He will be true to His word and in every situation of life even when we want to give up His grace will be sufficient for the need and it will always come in His perfect timing.

 

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Promises We Make #3

Posted by on January 15, 2013

This is the third in a series of ten posts on promises we should be willing to make to the people that matter the most in our lives.  A promise goes beyond a mere commitment to do something it carries the clear expectation that we are going to pay the price to do what we said we would do.

The first promise was I will sincerely listen to what you have to say.  Really listening to someone without a personal agenda communicates to them that they have value in your life and that you sincerely care.

The second promise was I will always tell you the truth.  Without this there can be no basis of trust, just ask Elizabeth Edwards how painful that can be.

The third promise is I will apologize when I am wrong.  When people hurt us there is genuine pain involved and when they refuse to acknowledge they were wrong then the pain grows deeper and last longer.

When someone sincerely and genuinely apologizes we know two things.  They are willing to humble themselves and they want to restore their relationship with us because we still matter to them.

On the other hand when someone says I am sorry and you know in your heart they don’t really mean it the situation only gets worse.  They are simply trying to end the conversation and not take personal responsibility for what they did.

Sometimes in relationships the other person may own eighty percent of the blame.  Our responsibility is to take ownership of our twenty percent and do the right thing and apologize regardless of how they respond.

Categories: Core Values | Comments Off on Promises We Make #3