Category Archive: Church Scattered

Promises We Make #2

Posted by on December 17, 2012

This is the second in a series of posts that I want to make about what I think is a very important subject, our most important relationships.  For the people we care about the most we should be willing to make a few critical promises to demonstrate our level of commitment to them.

The first promise in the series was I will carefully listen to what you have to say.  When we sincerely want to understand what the other person is feeling and thinking we acknowledge their value as a person.

The second promise is that I will always tell you the truth.  The foundation of any relationship is the trust that is shared when I know what you are telling me is the truth.

Obviously, I am not talking about saying that Susan Boyle should become a model. If you meet her tell her she looks good and really mean it.  However, she does have a beautiful voice and she reminded us all not to judge the character of a person by their outward appearance.

When we lie to someone it says more about us than it does about them.  Not telling the truth is our way of deflecting blame and not assuming personal responsibility.

If someone tells me something that really hurts but I know in my heart it is the truth then I can still respect and trust them.  When they make it up and tell me what is convenient for the moment I am the one who is ultimately hurt and they just burned a bridge that sometimes cannot be rebuilt.

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Security and Significance Part II

Posted by on March 11, 2012

The need to be unconditionally loved and to know that our lives have value and meaning are fundamental to every person on the planet.  We all must have these needs met to some degree and therefore we will keep searching until we find some measure of fulfillment.

We start out in life with our family being the major source of love, protection and encouragement.  When we are in high school and even through our twenties a transition takes place and the two major sources of meeting these needs are now fun and friends.  That is why being a part of some community moves to the top of most young adult’s agenda and they will pay any price to be accepted.

By the time we reach our late twenties we have to start thinking about the future and a career.  For many people the success and emotional support that is offered through work moves this provider to the top of the list.

Family moves back into the list when we get married and eventually start having children of our own.  We even now feel the need to get back in church again so that our children can get what they need as well.

Faith and Family surely will be the answer to meeting our deepest emotional needs for security and significance.  Actually, they can become the biggest trap because even though they are good things they can keep you from the best.

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Promises We Make #4

Posted by on February 9, 2012

This is the forth in a series of ten posts on promises we should be willing to make to the people that matter the most in our lives.  A promise goes beyond a mere commitment to do something it carries the clear expectation that we are going to pay the price to do what we said we would do.

The first promise was I will sincerely listen to what you have to say.  Really listening to someone without a personal agenda communicates to them that they have value in your life and that you sincerely care.

The second promise was I will always tell you the truth.  Without this there can be no basis of trust, just ask Elizabeth Edwards how painful that can be.

The third promise is I will apologize when I am wrong.  When someone sincerely and genuinely apologizes we know two things.  They are willing to humble themselves and they want to restore their relationship with us because we still matter to them.

The forth promise is I will forgive you when you hurt me.  There can be no lasting peace in any relationship without the power of forgiveness.  This is even more critical when someone has come to us and sincerely apologized they are asking without saying it will you please forgive me?

Forgiveness does not mean that we have the ability to forget what has happened to us but it does mean that we no longer hold that offense against the other person.  This will allow us to learn from the past and not force us to continue to live in it will all its negative memories.

The key thing about giving someone else forgiveness is that you must first have received it yourself.  You may only see your percentage of the responsibility at twenty percent but you must assume responsibility to seek forgiveness for your part before you can move on and release the other person.

This is a promise worth making to the people you care about the most in your life.

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Sweat the Small Stuff

Posted by on January 1, 2012

We all love the great Bible story of David killing the giant Goliath.  There are many incredible truths in the several chapters that are dedicated to this event.

The most significant one for me is that if we take care of the seemingly little responsibilities in our lives God has a way of taking care of the major ones.  The reason David had no fear of this monster of a man is because with God’s help he had already killed a lion and a bear.

All major public victories that everyone sees are preceded by the smaller private ones when no one is watching.  The other side of the same truth is sadly all major public failures occur because of a series of small compromises that seemed so unimportant at the time.

If you don’t think this is true just ask Eliot Spitzer or John Edwards and they will be glad to share with you how quickly this can happen.  How could these highly intelligent, powerful and dynamic leaders let this happen to themselves and most of all to their families?  Someone has well said an unguarded strength is a double weakness.

Sweat the small stuff and the big stuff will take care of itself.

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Busyness

Posted by on November 1, 2010

I always receive the highest evaluation scores when I speek on the subject of how to set personal priorities for own life.  The major point of my presentation is that we are all overscheduled because of the wireless connected culture we live in today and we must find a way to say no to many of the things that are robbing us of the priorities we care about the most.

I use a time matrix diagram devleoped by Stephen Covey that divides all of our daily lives into four quadrants that are based on the two variables of urgency and importance.  Everything that is urgent demands some action immediately and the things that are important may not.

If something is urgent and important then it should be done.  It could be a doctor’s appointment personally or a major project at work that is due this week.  Hopefully for most of us at least the majority of our day should be spent in this category.

The next area is all the things that are urgent but not important.  The blackberry is screaming for attention, the inbox is full and there are meetings on the schedule.  The problem here is that we have assumed that because something is urgent it must be important.

Another very unproductive area includes the things that are not urgent but they are not important either.  The danger here is that when we get home in the evening we want to run away and hide with hours of meaningless T.V. or surfing the net.

The single most important category is the things that are not urgent but very important.  This is where family, friends, faith and all of our important relationships reside.  Most of the time our family and our friends will not demand our immediate attention but if we neglect them long enough they will move into the urgent category and we will all suffer the consequences.

The only way to find time for the things that really matter is to stop doing so many of the things that really don’t.

 

 

 

 

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Integrity

Posted by on October 26, 2010

The battle for our personal character is won or lost based on our integrity.  This means that there can be no hypocrisy between what we say we believe is important and what we actually are doing on a daily basis.  It is more than simply walking your talk becasue your talk is based on truth and core values that add value to others.

It is the keeping of promises and commitments to ourselves and then to others.  When you have it people can trust you because they know you are genuine, real and authentic.

Integrity is demonstrated in personal relationships with other people in two critical ways.  One is that we maintain confidentiality when dealing with others in matters where discretion is important.  Instead of using other people’s failures to get what we want we help them to get what they need.  In essence we never use their acknowledged weakness to hold it over them to get them to act in a certain way and we would never betray their trust by talking to other people.

We also make sure that we never fall into the trap of saying negative things about other people publicly that we have not first talked with them about privately.  When people hear you saying bad things about people who are not in the room, they know one day they will not be in the room either.  Being critical of other people in public never helps them and it creates a culture of positioning people in conflict with each other.

If something is not important enough to say to another person privately then it is certainly not important enough to criticize them openly in front of other people.

 

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Weaknesses

Posted by on October 24, 2010

All of us have them but the real question from a personal and professional leadership standpoint is what should we do about them?  In the old days of positional leadership everyone was encouraged to work on improvement in every area so they could be the best overall leader possible.

Of course if our weaknesses are in the character area we must do whatever it takes to eliminate the wrong attitudes and negative behavior.  Beyond that spending a major amount of time trying to gain some small advantage in any area where you have no skills or passion is basically a waste of time.

Regardless of the time invested and the seminars attended if you are not creatively wired then you probably never will be.  If you are not gifted at project management then just working at it harder and longer will not produce significant results.

For the maximum amount of return and to make the largest impact you must prioritize working in the areas of your strengths.  This is where you are naturally strong and your passion fuels what you do every day and not your job description.

There are many different types and styles of effective leaders.  What you must determine is what do I uniquely bring to the table for the leadership assignment I have been given that sets me apart for this specific role. 

You may be a nine or ten in only one particular aspect of leadership but if you know what that is and you primarily stay in your strength zone then your ultimate impact will be incredible.  Most people are not willing to pay the price to be a ten at anything they had rather spend their time working on their weaknesses.

 

 

 

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Situational Leadership

Posted by on October 21, 2010

The one word that best describes the leadership model of the last century is positional.  Most of the major decisions were made at the top and the role of the team was to merely execute the plan.

When you move to the new models of leadership today the one word that best describes these styles is participative.  This simply means the team is involved in helping form the priorities and strategies in addition to execution.

When hiring a leader for the old model you found the best person that fit the job description.  Then the team would adjust to the style of the new leader.

Today situation leadership is the key model in these highly participative team dynamics.  It is now the responsibility of the leader to shift his or her style to the needs of each team member and the chemistry of the team as a whole.

The needs of the team members and the team as a whole will shift based on their competency and commitment levels.  These levels will always change depending upon the task or project at hand and that is the whole point of validating the need for situational leadership.

If a person has very low competency based on lack of experience then a more hands on directive approach is needed.  On the other hand if there is high commitment and high competency then the leader should shift to delegation.

The poor communication that is produced by misalignment between leaders and followers is the major factor in decreased productivity within our organizations. 

 

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The Juice is Gone

Posted by on October 17, 2010

I freely acknowledge that this post is not going to be for everyone.  However, if you are a growing Christian and working in the corporate world it may be exactly what you need to hear.

As we mature in our relationship with Christ we start to see things the way He does and not the way the world does.  Most people at work are motivated by power, pleasure, position and pride.

Even for us as Christians we get caught up in what kind of car we drive, the clothes we wear and the houses we live in.  Our success status can even be defined by where we are in the leadership ladder at church.

When we grow to the point of real spiritual brokenness we move beyond success to significance. This means that we realize that the only lasting thing that really matters at work are the people and not the profits or performance reviews.

 For the first time in our lives all the things that used to be important no longer motivate us in light of eternity.  We often ask ourselves a thousand years from now will this really matter.  Now we have moved from Success to Significance to Surrender.  The old juice is gone.

Now your career has become your calling.  No, you do not need to quit your job and go to seminary because you are headed for Africa.  You need to live your new Christian life right where you are with reckless abandon for the glory of God.

 

 

 

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Leaving Legacy

Posted by on October 12, 2010

The real question is not will you leave a legacy but what kind will it be?  An even more important question is what do you want it to be?

It is amazing how proficient we have become in establishing clear and attainable goals in the business sector.  We can break down our plans into daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, annual, and beyond to ensure that we accomplish what we have determined is important.

I am convinced the reason we do not give the same amount of passion and excellence to our private lives is that we have never taken the time to define what is really important.  This lack of prioritization leads to a hope it all works out mentality that would not last for one week in the hit your numbers or else corporate sector.

Most people I have talked with over the years will tell you that in the end the personal part of their life that includes family and friends is really more important to them than the public part.  If so, then why this huge disconnect?

It all goes back to understanding Covey’s time matrix in Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.  Almost everything in our public lives fits into the urgent category.  They demand that we respond even though many of the things we do every day are not really important at all.

The people we care about the most fit into an important category that is not urgent.  Ball games, piano recitals and dates with your spouse will not scream in your face but they are the things that make up your legacy.

Don’t wait for the heart attack or cancer, have the courage to take a major time out and define in very specific terms what really matters so that in the end you will leave this world a better place than you found it.

 

 

 

 

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