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Category Archive: Parenting

Three Dangers Of A Kid-Centered Family

Posted by on September 16, 2019

This is an extremely difficult subject because there is so much right about making our children a priority. However, when we place them above our own spiritual intimacy and our marriage, we have really hurt them and not helped. We are to represent the Father to them but we will be in no position to do that, if we walk away from the other two priorities first. This post by Jamie Ivey is worth your time to read:

“My husband and I have been married for 17 years. We have four kids. When you have four kids, your family often feels as though your life is in a kid-centered family. It’s hard work to make sure that our homes are gospel-centered family vs. a kid-centered family. It’s something that our family continues to work on. And it is hard, but it’s doable.”

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How To Stop Taking Work Stress Out On Your Family

Posted by on June 14, 2017

By the very nature of our work we have to be on almost all of the time. We put up with a lot of drama and the productivity demands alone build up tremendous stress. If we don’t develop habits that allow us to come home with some emotional margin, we will take all of that frustration out on the people who matter most. Amy Morin has two great proven strategies:

“Do you ever come home irritable because you had a rough day at the office? Do you take out your frustrations from work on your family? If so, you’re not alone. It’s an issue I address in my therapy office often. I hear from parents who are disappointed in themselves for yelling at their children. I also hear from spouses who are tired of walking on eggshells in an effort to avoid becoming the undeserving target of an entire days’ worth of frustration and anger.”

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3 Steps To Resolving Conflict

Posted by on May 19, 2017

All of us at some point in time will have conflict and disagreements with someone else either in our personal lives or professionally at work. These situations can be painful at times but seeking resolution is the only way to maintain positive momentum in your life.

There are at least three critical steps that you must take if you want to restore the relationship and move forward in your own life.

Own Your Part—In every disagreement there are always two sides to the story. I have never known a situation where there was not some responsibility for the problem with both parties. If we think the other party is the major offender then we tend to wait for them to make the first move. Instead we need to take whatever percentage of the problem is ours even if it’s minor and do what we need to do to admit it and ask for forgiveness regardless of what the other person does.
Talk To Person Privately—Most of the time when we are having problems with another person we tend to go to other people first and complain or try to find emotional support. What we should do is go privately to the person who offended us first and tell them in a respectful way why we are offended and give them a chance to respond. When we are talking about someone else to another person rather than talking to them the situation will only get worse.
Give Them Benefit Of Doubt—When we sense that a conversation is not going well and we can tell it may hurt us we have a decision to make. We can either assume the worst about the other person’s motives or we can believe the best. Many times if we can give them the benefit of the doubt at this critical moment then even though it may still hurt there will be no lasting damage because we give them a pass because we trust their heart.

The reason many times we can so easily see problems in other people is those same things live within us.

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Families Deserve Priority Not Leftovers

Posted by on February 17, 2017

I have never known a great leader who did not know how to establish goals, develop plans, execute priorities and finally evaluate success in their career. Every day they proactively plan ahead and solve problems to everyone can be successful.

However, tragically for most people that is exactly what happens to them in their personal lives. They say this part is ultimately the most important but they never take the time to write down what they want their legacy to be for the people that matter the most.

Because the personal does not get the priority of the professional the family usually ends up with the leftovers. Leftover time, passion, affection and energy.

I have know people who can make million dollar decisions at work without blinking but by the time they get home they do not have enough emotional energy to decide if they want hamburgers or soup for dinner. They have been nice to other people all day, co-workers, suppliers and customers only to come home and be so fried they have to retreat to the T.V. because they have nothing left for spouse or children.

Someone has well said that the person who cannot see the ultimate always becomes a slave to the immediate. Meaningful relationships with family and bottom line professional results are not mutually exclusive but you must be willing to pay personal leadership price to have both.

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Work Life Integration Not Balance

Posted by on August 10, 2016

All of us feel like we have too many things to do and not enough time to do them. We have priorities in many different areas: our career, family, relationships, entertainment, faith and own personal life. We also fulfill many roles as employees, fathers, husbands, wives, mothers, and friends just to name a few.

Somehow we have developed this concept that true happiness and success comes when all of these areas and roles are in perfect balance. It is as if they all are to have equal percentages of our time, energy and passion.

Realistically we all know that is an impossible goal to accomplish. Our career alone demands a ever growing disproportionate amount of our time and if you have a newborn child in your house all bets are off including time to sleep.

To me an integrated life means that all of these areas as well as our different roles will constantly be changing in the amount of resources they demand. The critical factor is not to let anything that is important in your life be totally neglected to the point that you are now failing in that area because all of the other things have drained you to the point you have nothing left to give.

When you reach that point and we all do from time to time we must reprioritize our lives so that everything important gets its slot on our calendars. This will mean that something else will have to get less or be eliminated all together.

Believe it or not sometimes we need to not go to the new latest and greatest parenting conference and just stay at home and play with our children. Life can be crazy and its demands will change with each new day.

When you have the character and courage to assume the responsibility of leading your total life you will make sure that nothing major falls through the cracks. Enjoy your day!!

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The Critical Distinction Between Goals vs. Desires

Posted by on June 24, 2016

Many times we put a tremendous amount of emotional energy and effort into something only to realize that nothing has changed. We are worn out with all the work and feel very empty because we are not getting any positive results.

The core problem most of the time when this happens in my life is when I confuse goals and desires. A desire is something I want to happen but in the end have no control over the outcome. On the other hand a goal is something I want or need and do have direct control over the outcome.

For example you could have a relationship that you care about deeply but no matter how hard you try the other person seems to be unresponsive. Even though my motives may be right when my methods center around trying to change the other person I have taken a desire and turned it into a goal.

In relationships the only goal that I should ever have is to change myself. In doing that it may indeed have a positive impact on the other person but that must remain a desire and never become a goal.

We hit the wall when we are working on things over which we have no control and that drains us. Even worse it keeps us from doing the very things we can control and that discourages us.

This principle applies both to our personal and professional lives. None of us has the responsibility to solve the global recession but we do have control over our own character.

The old axiom of do what you can with what you have right where you are is a great place to start.

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Customer Service At Home

Posted by on June 10, 2016

We all enjoy the experience of some organization or person who goes the extra mile and delivers high quality personal service. In a day when most companies either put you on a phone tree from hell or only allow contact through email it is really nice when another person is simply pleasant and nice.

Mobile Travel Guide declares themselves as the gold standard of travel ratings and reviews. They rate hotels and restaurants on a system of one to five stars based on their performance. When you see their sign and there are at least three to the coveted five stars rating you know that the experience will be a good one.

Every day when we all go out into the public world of work and our daily to do list we interact with lots of other people. Most of the time, we really try very hard to be courteous and polite to others especially if they are customers, suppliers, co workers or friends. We give, give, and give to other people all day until we are emotionally spent by the time we head home.

When I evaluate my customer service rating at home I have to admit many times I would not receive even one star much less three to five. I treat the people I care about the most with the least amount of patience and kindness.

If the Mobile staff were to interview the people who are the closest to you how many stars would you receive? I am going to do whatever it takes to consistently improve my score. How about you?

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Resolving Unrealistic Parenting Expectations

Posted by on March 2, 2016

It is incredibly important that we all have realistic expectations as parents for our children. We should want them to develop character, succeed academically, respect authority and grow in their faith.

However, the reality is they are going to fail in every one of these areas and many more on their journey towards becoming successful adults. When they do fail, we as parents must care enough to take the time to correct them for the mistakes and then encourage them to restore their confidence. They will need to learn to deal with the consequences of bad decisions and on the other hand not break their spirit so they give up on life.

Many times this process fails because we as parents have placed our own personal expectations on top of the ones we already have for our children. We are vicariously living our lives through them instead of for them.

If we are honest with ourselves we would admit that when we overreact because they fail it is partially because we have failed as well. Our own emotional needs to be successful parents have been added to the relationship to the point that our expectations for them are now totally unrealistic.

Constantly check your motives and make sure this is primarily about what is best for them and not about me. Growing up today is hard enough without them having to take on the extra burden of making us feel good about ourselves. That is our responsibility.

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7 Everyday Gifts For Your Family

Posted by on December 9, 2015

I am a horrible gift giver. I guess I have to admit that I don’t know what people really want and even if I did, I still don’t nail it. This time of the year makes me very nervous. However, there are some gifts that are needed all during the year and Mark Merrill has a great list:

“Putting time and effort into choosing just the right present for someone is a great way of demonstrating how much they mean to you. However, Christmas, anniversaries, and birthdays come only once a year, and you don’t have to wait 12 months to give them something meaningful. Here are seven gifts to give your spouse, your children, and others close to you every single day. ”

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How To Have Difficult Conversations

Posted by on December 4, 2015

This one took years to learn the hard way and I still routinely blow it to this day. It is not enough to be right, you also have to say the right thing, the right way and last but not least at the right time. If not the message is never heard by the way the messenger delivered it. Mark Merrill has a great post:

“No matter how nice you are, no matter how nice the people around you are, there will be times when you need to have a difficult conversation. Occasional tough talks are just a part of life. Maybe you have to talk with your spouse about a concern you have over something in your marriage.”

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