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Category Archive: Personal Leadership

The Critical Distinction Between Goals vs. Desires

Posted by on June 24, 2016

Many times we put a tremendous amount of emotional energy and effort into something only to realize that nothing has changed. We are worn out with all the work and feel very empty because we are not getting any positive results.

The core problem most of the time when this happens in my life is when I confuse goals and desires. A desire is something I want to happen but in the end have no control over the outcome. On the other hand a goal is something I want or need and do have direct control over the outcome.

For example you could have a relationship that you care about deeply but no matter how hard you try the other person seems to be unresponsive. Even though my motives may be right when my methods center around trying to change the other person I have taken a desire and turned it into a goal.

In relationships the only goal that I should ever have is to change myself. In doing that it may indeed have a positive impact on the other person but that must remain a desire and never become a goal.

We hit the wall when we are working on things over which we have no control and that drains us. Even worse it keeps us from doing the very things we can control and that discourages us.

This principle applies both to our personal and professional lives. None of us has the responsibility to solve the global recession but we do have control over our own character.

The old axiom of do what you can with what you have right where you are is a great place to start.

Categories: Marriage Parenting Personal Leadership | Comments Off on The Critical Distinction Between Goals vs. Desires

How Much Is Enough

Posted by on June 6, 2016

We are challenged at every level to make sure we are not wasting our time so we can get the right things done. What we fail to see is that sometimes we set the bar too high and actually do too much and need to dial back our expectations for success. Michael Hyatt drives home this point:

“It’s easy for me to overdo things. I know, shocker. What can I say? I like getting things done. But the problem is that when I overdo, I underperform. For people driven to achieve, it’s a common trap. Even if we pare things down to the essentials, we can plow so deep into those that we’re just wasting our efforts—even while we think we’re making headway.”

Categories: Core Values Personal Leadership Work Life Integration | Comments Off on How Much Is Enough

The Greatest Barriers To Growth

Posted by on May 27, 2016

I have lived through many leadership life cycles with all different sizes of organizations. The early days are energized by everyone being involved and quick decision making. Then as you grow larger processes are put in place to sustain the growth that has occurred. At some point it time though, the danger is that the process kills the effectiveness. This HBR post is incredible:

“A large, iconic multinational is now struggling to keep growing while being chased by leaner, more aggressive competitors. To find the next wave of growth, they were taking a hard look at their bureaucracy. “When I joined the company, the front line management jobs were the best,” the CEO told us. He had started his career in one of those jobs, as a country manager, and worked his way up.”

Categories: Leadership Development Personal Leadership | Comments Off on The Greatest Barriers To Growth

How To Break Your Addiction To Work

Posted by on May 25, 2016

At some point in time almost everyday we all want to know How am I doing? The search for significance meets a very deep need that we all have to add value to others. The workplace can give you that juice to the degree it becomes like an addiction for meeting our emotional needs. This HBR post is a must read:

“For many of us, working simply feels good. But just because it feeds your ego or makes you feel important, that doesn’t mean it’s actually good for you. How do you break the cycle of working long hours at the office and constantly checking email at home?”

Categories: Leadership Development Personal Leadership Work Life Integration | Comments Off on How To Break Your Addiction To Work

A Simple Way To Combat Chronic Stress

Posted by on April 20, 2016

We just finished a three week marathon of moving into a new house and doing most of the packing and moving ourselves. Needless to say the stress levels are still out the roof and I found these simple techniques posted by the HBR to be helpful:

“For most leaders today, frequent stress is inevitable. But with awareness and a little skill, its negative impacts are not.

Intense negative experiences of stress are all too common. Consider Stefano, coauthor of this article. In 1998, Stefano began a career abroad while simultaneously completing an MBA. He worked and studied 14 hours a day, seven days a week, fueled by a constant flow of stress hormones. ”

Categories: Margin Personal Leadership Work Life Integration | Comments Off on A Simple Way To Combat Chronic Stress

Security and Significance Part III

Posted by on April 12, 2016

God has designed us so that the most important needs in our lives can only be met through Him. His next priority is for us to be in a relationship with our spouse that reflects Christ unconditional love for the church and His willing submission to the will of the Father.

The trap I mentioned in the last post is that we can move our faith to the top of the list of personal priorities but we can substitute church for Christ. Church in many ways is just like the emotional support we get from our career.

We can serve in an important role and gain significance through our responsibilities and tremendous encouragement from all the people we help. Although these are certainly good things the danger of religion taking the place of a relationship is always emotionally seductive.

Even with faith at the top of the list and family in second place there are dangers there as well. When husbands and wives do not place their personal relationship above all other people and the pain of rejection starts hurting both parties they move their remaining emotional energy to the children.

After all doing what is best for the children is a worthy goal and it brings great emotional significance. It can be easy to justify hanging in a bad marriage “for the sake of the children.”

There is only one major problem, it will never work. The most loving thing a parent can ever do for a child is to love God in a passionate real way and love their spouse with grace and humility.

Other people and other things can never give us what only God can provide unconditional love and lasting significance. Beyond that the single most important relationship that we have in this life is with our spouse. Church and children can be dangerous temporary substitutes but they too will leave us empty in the end.

Categories: Marriage Personal Leadership Spiritual Growth | Comments Off on Security and Significance Part III

3 Ways To Regain Personal Momentum

Posted by on February 5, 2016

When negative things are happening in your life and you feel like you are in a deep hole and cannot see how to get out there are three key personal leadership disciplines that will help you get your positive momentum back.

The first is Perspective. When things are not going well today it is very important to put the present in the context of the long look that includes both the past and the future. All of life both the good and the bad tend to run in cycles. You cannot choose many times the circumstances about what happens to you but it is your responsibility to choose how you respond to them.

Adversity in life will either make you a better person or a bitter one and that choice is within your control. The key thing about your past is you must learn from it but never live in it. Failure never has to be final unless we let it.

The same is true about the future. You can choose to watch the news 3 hours a day and live with fear, worry and doubt or you can be grateful for what you have and face the future with hope and a positive attitude.

The second personal leadership discipline in dealing with change is Priorities. The one incredibly good thing about a down cycle is that it always forces us to separate what is important in life from what is not.

We must start by not asking the question what have I lost but what do I still have? I would encourage you to write down everything that is still in your life that is important and when you see it all you will be amazed by how blessed you really are.

Someone has well said the tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon but we wait so long to begin it. Regardless of your age or stage of life this dramatic period of change we are all going through is the perfect time for you to decide how you want to spend the rest of your life. If you need some help get a life coach to walk through this process with you.

The third discipline to deal with change is to be Proactive. When some people face dramatic change they choose to live in denial as if this is not really happening to me. On the other extreme others know the change is real to the point of becoming emotionally depressed about their new state of life.

I must assume personal responsibility to change myself first and start leading myself by making good daily decisions before my life can begin to turn around in different direction. The only way to do that is to do what you can with what you have right where you are and do it today with all your heart.

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How To Have A Winning Attitude

Posted by on January 20, 2016

Lou Holtz the famous football coach once said, “Ability is what you’re capable of doing, motivation determines what you do and attitude determines how well you do it.” We have heard all our lives how important a role our attitude plays in everything we do every day.

In John Maxwell’s book The Winning Attitude he says that it is absolutely your key to personal success. His list several key principles about how attitude impacts every part of our lives:

Our attitude determines our approach to life
Our attitude determines our relationships with people
Often our attitude is the only difference between success and failure
Our attitude at the beginning of a task will affect its outcome more than anything else
Our attitude can turn our problems into blessings
Our attitude can give us an uncommonly positive perspective

Maintaing the proper perspective is probably the most important one for me. We are all going to encounter problems and setbacks in our lives. It is very important to remember when you are going through difficult times not to focus on what you have lost but what you still have to be thankful for all around you. When you choose to see the glass for the way it is more than half full it will give you the perspective you need to deal with all the other issues.

I found the following to be very helpful about What is an attitude?

It is the “advance man” of our true selves

Its roots are inward but its fruit is outward

It is our best friend or our worst enemy

It is more honest and more consistent that our words

It is an outward look based on past experiences

It is a thing which draws people to us or repels them away

It is never content until it is expressed

It is the librarian of our past

It is the speaker of our present

It is the prophet of our future

Categories: Personal Leadership Servant Leader | Comments Off on How To Have A Winning Attitude

Everyone Is Looking For Security and Significance

Posted by on January 1, 2016

The two major things that all people are searching for in life are security and significance. Security is the understanding that I am unconditionally loved and significance means that my life has value and meaning.

Most of the time we are searching for both of these needs in all of the wrong places. We try to find unconditional love in human relationships that all inevitably fail us to some degree and cause pain.

Then we look to our career, church and children to give us the meaning and validation in life that we so desperately need. Here again although all of these are quote good things and can give us some degree of significance they to in the end leave us wanting more.

All human relationships are important and being successful in every area of our lives should be our goal. However, the major truth here we are missing is that we can never look to other people or things to give us what only God can provide.

When our relationship with God is first and His mission for our life is the ultimate measure of our success then all other relationships and endeavors play a secondary role and become complimentary and not primary.

Then when the pain, failure and rejection come in this life they can always be measured against the grace and peace that only God can give. The assurance that He will never leave us and nothing can separate us from His love gives us the courage to risk living life to the fullest.

In the end He is enough.

Categories: Core Values Personal Leadership Spiritual Growth | Comments Off on Everyone Is Looking For Security and Significance

Why You Should Give Yourself A Year End Review

Posted by on December 21, 2015

It’s a big mistake to just start thinking about all the changes you want to make and the goals you want to set for next year. What makes planning for 2016 relevant is a thorough review of 2015. This is the perfect time of the year to evaluate and Stephanie Vozza has a great post:

“It is very important to set periodic career goals, otherwise what are you striving for?” she asks. “Setting goals requires a baseline, and a year-end review is a perfect mechanism to track progress, review your accomplishments, challenges, opportunities, and events from the prior year.”

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