Category Archive: Personal Leadership

The Dip

Posted by on February 23, 2009

A good friend of mine exposed me to the writings of Seth Godin.  He is an expert on new marketing and the use of the internet with one of the most read blogs on the web.

The Dip is a book about knowing when to quit and on the other hand when to stick it out.  Every new project, job, relationship and hobby start out exciting and fun but at some point the newness wears off and the reality of how hard it really is sinks in. 

A Dip is a temporary setback that you can overcome if you stick it out and do not quit.  The other extreme is a cul-de-sac which is a situation that you should quit as soon as you know this is not what you need to be doing.

How do you know the difference?  Great question.  The key to me involves passion and excellence.

If you are not passionate about what you are doing then that is a clear sign that you are probably in a cul-de-sac.  To be able to break through all the problems we all face everyday requires a burning desire to do something you know that really makes a difference.

The other criteria require total transparent honesty with self.  You must evaluate if the product you are offering to the market is the quality that would make people want to participate in what you are doing.

If it is then you have every reason to hope that over time other people will hear about what you are doing and will buy in and even tell their network about your services.  The book is all about knowing when to quit the wrong stuff and stick it out with the right.

Categories: Career Development Personal Leadership | Comments Off on The Dip

Listening

Posted by on February 20, 2009

The key area that is lacking for most leaders as they face the highly participative team dynamics that exist today is people skills.  All executive coaching research clearly points to this reality and most leaders have major blind spots when it comes to this truth and that is why it can destroy team morale and productivity.

Of all the people skills that show up on most lists of inappropriate behavior poor listening goes to the top in all current studies.  Marshall Goldsmith calls it the most passive aggressive form of disrespect for colleagues.

All of us catch ourselves thinking about what we want to say rather than really concentrating on what the other person is communicating.  Stephen Covey made seeking to understand the other person a priority before you seek to be understood as one of his 7 habits of highly effective people.

We must understand that listening is not a passive behavior.  It requires several active disciplines to be successful. 

We can clarify what someone has said by restating what we heard and what we think they meant.  We can explore by asking additional questions about what has been said.  Then we can seek confirmation from the person that is what they intended to convey.

Once you are confident you have fully understood what the other person is saying then you must take a moment to think before you speak.  Make sure your response is not coming across as defensive or attacking the other person regardless of whether you agree with them or not.

 

 

Categories: Career Development Personal Leadership | Comments Off on Listening

Worship Wars

Posted by on February 19, 2009

This is a subject that really breaks my heart because the pain that has been suffered by so many good people is so unnecessary.  If this issue is not dealt with in a thoroughly biblical manner most of our current churches will stop reaching the next generation and will eventually die.

To be sure our people should be spiritually mature enough to not insist on their own personal musical preference so that others may come to Christ.  However, poor leadership has caused far more problems than “older adults” that only want their hymns.

For at least 50 years or longer one basic musical style was enjoyed by both the World War II and the Baby Boomer generations.  Large choirs and orchestras were the preferred choice that could lead a primarily performance style of service that was a blessing to many.

Today the emphasis has shifted to participation styles of music that involve the people in worship and praise.  In our current services it is no longer come sit, watch and listen as it is get involved and enjoy.

I think every generation has its own heart language when it comes to music in worship.  The problem comes when we try to force everyone into one box and demand they like it or leave.

 I think the days of building one massive worship center are over.  As soon as your church grows large enough for multiple services you are already multi-congregational.  At that point if you are reaching different age groups you can choose to be multi-generational.

Then when you plan a service ask yourself one simple question, who is in the room and what do they need from the music and the message to help them move into the presence of God? 

 

Categories: Career Development Church Scattered Leading Change Pastoral Leadership Personal Leadership Spiritual Growth | Comments Off on Worship Wars

Personal Mission Statement

Posted by on February 16, 2009

All of us have become proficient at doing all the major components of the business plan at work.  We know how to define goals, create plans, execute priorities and evaluate success.

However, very few of us use these same disciplines to help lead our personal lives.  Research shows that approximately 95% of us have never written out our personal goals in life, but of the 5% who have, 95% have achieved them.

Steven Covey popularized the phrase Personal Mission Statement in his bestselling book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.  He makes the point that ultimately all professional success flows out of our ability to lead ourselves first.

Every day we must say no to something because there is simply too much to do when you include the personal, family, career and civic responsibilities of our lives.  If we do not take the time to define what we want our legacy to be for the people and things we care about the most they will by default usually end up on the no list.

What the annual plan does for your corporate productivity and performance your personal mission statement will do for the rest of your life.  It will help define the core values for you personally and your family and set realistic goals with strategies that will help you to write your own script for the totality of your entire life.

It should never be acceptable to succeed in one area of our lives only to fail in all the others.  Take the time to write down what is personally and professionally  important to you in this life because in the end that is all that will really matter.

Categories: Career Development Core Values Pastoral Leadership Personal Leadership Servant Leader Work Life Integration | Comments Off on Personal Mission Statement

Security and Significance Part III

Posted by on February 12, 2009

God has designed us so that the most important needs in our lives can only be met through Him.  His next priority is for us to be in a relationship with our spouse that reflects Christ unconditional love for the church and His willing submission to the will of the Father.

The trap I mentioned in the last post is that we can move our faith to the top of the list of personal priorities but we can substitute church for Christ.  Church in many ways is just like the emotional support we get from our career.

We can serve in an important role and gain significance through our responsibilities and tremendous encouragement from all the people we help.  Although these are certainly good things the danger of religion taking the place of a relationship is always emotionally seductive.

Even with faith at the top of the list and family in second place there are dangers there as well.  When husbands and wives do not place their personal relationship above all other people and the pain of rejection starts hurting both parties they move their remaining emotional energy to the children.

After all doing what is best for the children is a worthy goal and it brings great emotional significance.  It can be easy to justify hanging in a bad marriage “for the sake of the children.”

There is only one major problem, it will never work.  The most loving thing a parent can ever do for a child is to love God in a passionate real way and love their spouse with grace and humility.

Other people and other things can never give us what only God can provide unconditional love and lasting significance.  Beyond that the single most important relationship that we have in this life is with our spouse.  Church and children can be dangerous temporary substitutes but they too will leave us empty in the end.

 

Categories: Marriage Personal Leadership Spiritual Growth | Comments Off on Security and Significance Part III

Security and Significance Part II

Posted by on February 11, 2009

The need to be unconditionally loved and to know that our lives have value and meaning are fundamental to every person on the planet.  We all must have these needs met to some degree and therefore we will keep searching until we find some measure of fulfillment.

We start out in life with our family being the major source of love, protection and encouragement.  When we are in high school and even through our twenties a transition takes place and the two major sources of meeting these needs are now fun and friends.  That is why being a part of some community moves to the top of most young adult’s agenda and they will pay any price to be accepted.

By the time we reach our late twenties we have to start thinking about the future and a career.  For many people the success and emotional support that is offered through work moves this provider to the top of the list.

Family moves back into the list when we get married and eventually start having children of our own.  We even now feel the need to get back in church again so that our children can get what they need as well.

Faith and Family surely will be the answer to meeting our deepest emotional needs for security and significance.  Actually, they can become the biggest trap because even though they are good things they can keep you from the best.

Categories: Marriage Personal Leadership Spiritual Growth | Comments Off on Security and Significance Part II

Security and Significance

Posted by on February 10, 2009

The two major things that all people are searching for in life are security and significance.  Security is the understanding that I am unconditionally loved and significance means that my life has value and meaning.

Most of the time we are searching for both of these needs in all of the wrong places.  We try to find unconditional love in human relationships that all inevitably fail us to some degree and cause pain.

Then we look to our career, church and children to give us the meaning and validation in life that we so desperately need.   Here again although all of these are quote good things and can give us some degree of significance they to in the end leave us wanting more.

All human relationships are important and being successful in every area of our lives should be our goal.  However, the major truth here we are missing is that we can never look to other people or things to give us what only God can provide. 

When our relationship with God is first and His mission for our life is the ultimate measure of our success then all other relationships and endeavors play a secondary role and become complimentary and not primary.

Then when the pain, failure and rejection come in this life they can always be measured against the grace and peace that only God can give.  The assurance that He will never leave us and nothing can separate us from His love gives us the courage to risk living life to the fullest.

In the end He is enough.

 

 

Categories: Marriage Personal Leadership Spiritual Growth | Comments Off on Security and Significance

Effective Evangelism

Posted by on February 2, 2009

 

For years we have all been told that we are to be witnesses for Christ so that people can come to know Him. The major problem is that the prevailing strategy that has been used for years has never worked for the overwhelming majority of Christians.

The problem is not that this command is somehow out of date to the point that it should no longer be taken seriously.  The critical failure is how we as leaders have modeled this ministry and trained our people to carry out this most important assignment for the church.

In the worst of situations we have trained our people to memorize a lot of facts and then after meeting a total stranger try to share all of the facts with them so they can make the most important decision of their lives all in thirty minutes.

I will acknowledge that in some cases there are divine appointments that God has prepared someone’s heart for just such a meeting.  However, that does not mean that we should take this aggressive an approach with everyone we meet.

In the normal course of everyday we all tell stories about things that have happened in our lives.  The subject matter can be anything from our last vacation, great new restaurants, job stress and personal family problems.

The reason why all of this works so easily is that it is in the normal course of our everyday lives within relationships that already exist to some degree.  This is the biblical model of as you are going about your life share with other people the incredible and wonderful things that He has done in your life.

When evangelism moves from direct confrontation to casual conversations more people are going to respond to the good news of the gospel.

Categories: Career Development Church Scattered Missional Living Pastoral Leadership Personal Leadership Spiritual Growth | Comments Off on Effective Evangelism

Significance

Posted by on January 23, 2009

We all need to ask ourselves what we really want out of life.  For many it is success and all the outward benefits and rewards that come from achievement in the corporate culture of our day.

I will never forget an interview that I saw with Tom Brady after he had won his last Super Bowl.  After he talked about all the fame and fortune he had achieved, he then made the following statement, “there has to be more to life than this.”

There is and it is called significance which is all about adding value to other people.  I have talked with a lot of people near the very end of their lives.

The common denominator for all of  these conversations is that when it is all said and done all that really matters is have we made a difference in the lives of other people.

Today if we are not careful we are in danger of reducing all of our important relationships down to a few words on voice mail, or a picture attachment to an email. 

Can someone be professionally successful and realize personal significance at the same time?  Absolutely.

Everyone who has accomplished both has come to the critical understanding that professional success is only the means to the end of having personal significance through helping other people.

Categories: Core Values Personal Leadership Spiritual Growth Work Life Integration | Comments Off on Significance

Reaching Your Potential

Posted by on January 21, 2009

From a personal standpoint one of the things I love doing is hiking.  A hiker is somewhere between a camper and an adventure racer.

One of the great advantages of living in the Atlanta area for ten years is the close proximity to the Appalachian trail in the north Georgia mountains.

My favorite hiking story is about a great one day hike in the Alps.  If you start early in the morning you can reach the summit and get back to the car before dark.

About half way up the mountain is this incredibly beautiful rest house where everyone eats a great lunch.  The owner of the rest house has noticed an interesting pattern over the years.  When everyone reaches the rest house they are all excited about reaching their goal of the summit.

They warm themselves by the fire and about half way through lunch somebody inevitably speaks out what many people are thinking.  Ii think I will just stay here while you finish the climb and you can pick me up on the way back down.  At that moment everyone must the make decision to stay or go.

For all those who stay the first few hours are incredible.  They sit by the fire and tell mountain climbing stories about other great mountain climbers from the past.  They may even reminisce about some of their great climbing experiences in the past.

By early afternoon the mood dramatically changes in the room and everyone becomes silent.  One by one they make their way over to this huge window in the back of the lodge and they stand there and stare at the summit.

For you see it is at this painful moment that they realize they have settled for second best in their lives.

Someone has well said, “The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.”

 

Categories: Core Values Personal Leadership | Comments Off on Reaching Your Potential