Category Archive: Spiritual Growth

Shut Up And Listen

Posted by on June 19, 2009

This phrase is not only the title for one of the chapters in Mark DeMoss’s book on Wisdom but it is also incredibly good advice.  To make his point he uses the confirmation hearings of Justice Samuel Alito where most senators spent almost all of their allotted thirty minutes for asking questions pontificating about their own political bias.  At the end of the day we learned very little about the new prospective judge because he had no time to talk.

Mark has many great insights in this book and on this subject he writes, “It’s safe to say that in my life I have never learned a single thing while I was talking.”  On the other hand his willingness to close his mouth and open his ears has given him a tremendous amount of knowledge from a variety of different people.

In corporate culture today the priority is on participative leadership that makes sure everyone on the team has a voice in the conversation.  For that to happen the people that used to do all of the talking have to discipline themselves to now do most of the listening.  Mark has another great quote when he says, “To dominate a meeting or conversation is not power, informed good judgment is power.”

When someone is a great listener it says several things about them.  First they are learners by nature and they seek out other people who can teach them something.  Second they are also humble because they do not always have to be the expert on everything and they are willing to be quiet and even give someone else the credit.  Finally they are relational because they want the other person to know that what they have to say and who they are as a person is important to them.

Mark believes that when a person is not a good listener, “it’s like standing on a balcony over breathtaking panorama and using the entire time to stare into a mirror.”  OUCH!!

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Promises We Make

Posted by on June 16, 2009

This is the forth in a series of ten posts on promises we should be willing to make to the people that matter the most in our lives.  A promise goes beyond a mere commitment to do something it carries the clear expectation that we are going to pay the price to do what we said we would do.

The first promise was I will sincerely listen to what you have to say.  Really listening to someone without a personal agenda communicates to them that they have value in your life and that you sincerely care.

The second promise was I will always tell you the truth.  Without this there can be no basis of trust, just ask Elizabeth Edwards how painful that can be.

The third promise is I will apologize when I am wrong.  When someone sincerely and genuinely apologizes we know two things.  They are willing to humble themselves and they want to restore their relationship with us because we still matter to them.

The forth promise is I will forgive you when you hurt me.  There can be no lasting peace in any relationship without the power of forgiveness.  This is even more critical when someone has come to us and sincerely apologized they are asking without saying it will you please forgive me?

Forgiveness does not mean that we have the ability to forget what has happened to us but it does mean that we no longer hold that offense against the other person.  This will allow us to learn from the past and not force us to continue to live in it will all its negative memories.

The key thing about giving someone else forgiveness is that you must first have received it yourself.  You may only see your percentage of the responsibility at twenty percent but you must assume responsibility to seek forgiveness for your part before you can move on and release the other person.

This is a promise worth making to the people you care about the most in your life.

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The Power Of Momentum

Posted by on June 15, 2009

There are very few things more difficult to deal with in your personal or professional life than a loss of momentum.  It can be brought on by some major tragedy or a series of small compromises over a very long period of time.

Eventually we get to a place where we start worrying about things outside our control and that drains us of what little emotional energy we have left.  Also because we are so focused on the negative we stop doing the things we should and can do and that brings even more despair.

The only way to break this cycle is to start doing what you can do and build some small daily wins into your life.  This principle works with individuals as well as organizations.

With every small win comes movement and that generates confidence that things are finally headed in the right direction.  When we regain our confidence then we attempt even more things that product even bigger wins and the power of the momentum begins to put the wind back in our sails.

It is very ironic that when we get to the places of greatest difficulty in our lives it is the very smallest of things that can break the downward cycle.  We are desperately searching for the big answer that is going to solve all our problems when the solution was right in front of us all the time.

The good news is that the power of momentum works in a positive way to an even greater degree than it does toward the negative.  When you repeatedly do what you can do daily the positive flow of your life moves you beyond all the negative issues that may still be there but now they are in the proper perspective.

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Law Of Harvest

Posted by on June 10, 2009

There are many biblical principles taught in scripture and this may be the most important one.  It is foundational to understanding how the Christian life works on a very practical daily level.

The simplest way of stating this principle is that you will eventually reap what you sow .  If you consistently fill your mind with the truth then you should reap all of the benefits of many good decisions.

On the other hand, if you fill your mind with other things then the result will be believing the wrong thing.  Many times we act with even more passion when we believe a lie because the resulting behavior produces pain and rejection.  At this point we really do not want to admit we were wrong.

Another important part of this principle is that we will also reap to the degree we sow.  If we spend little time in God’s word then the result will be a double minded life that is constantly being tossed about with no clear direction.

The next major piece of this principle is that we have a responsibility for the maintenance of the soil where the seed will fall.  If our minds are cluttered with many other things then the truth cannot be heard because all the other noise will drown it out.

Finally, I must go back and deal with that very important word eventually.  Sometimes people are making bad decisions and yet see no immediate negative consequences.  In sharp contrast many people are doing the right thing and have not seen the benefits of walking by faith in the truth.

God in His perfect timing will bring in the harvest.  We all will reap what we have sown.  No suffering for the present time is joyful but it will yield the peaceful fruit of a surrendered life.

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How To Create A Legacy

Posted by on June 8, 2009

 

I have attended a lot of funerals over the years and the one common denominator is in every service someone is trying to communicate the legacy of the person who has died.  There are some patterns I have noticed when people have lived their lives in such a way that truly leaves a mark on the world. 

Begin With End In Mind-All of the people that really made a difference took the long look about life and determined what they wanted the top priorities to be in their lives when it was over.  When a person values friendships then you can see a pattern from there earliest years all throughout their lives where other people came first.  If you want to be known for something later then you need to live it now. 

Leave Something Better Than Found It- This is the type of person that is always trying to help others be successful and is not consumed about themselves.  If they are a leader in the corporate world they are not looking out for number one they want the department or the corporation to be better when they leave than when they came.  The true test of someone’s leadership is not when he or she is there but what happens when they are gone. 

Gave Away More Than They Took–  In the end people are either more consumers or contributors.  They see other people as a means to their end or they see other people as the target of their generous spirit.  These are the people that are always adding value to whatever they do from community involvement, relationships, work and faith.  They simply love to give more than they take and people are moved by their humility and servant heart. 

It is never to late to work on your legacy.  The really important thing is taking the time to decide what you want it to be and then when the time comes other people will gladly step up and write your eulogy for you.

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Making Destructive Comments

Posted by on May 28, 2009

One of the hallmarks of leadership in the 21st century is participative team building and problem solving.  We have moved from the old top down decision making model to one that allows and encourages everyone’s involvement in the process.

If you are a good leader then you will make sure that everyone has an opportunity to give their opinion and respectfully discuss and even debate the issues so that the best possible solution can be reached.  For some people this type of give and take environment comes easy and for others it is very hard to open up and participate.

As a team leader one thing I watch very carefully is when someone starts to take on another team member personally rather than dealing with their ideas.  This can be very subtle in the beginning but eventually something is said that really stings.

There is a big difference between I do not agree with what you are saying and here is the reason compared to you are wrong and just don’t get it.  Certain people with strong personalities will go after another person when they feel threatened because they know they can intimidate them to back off.

During the meeting when I see this happening I will usually make a point to come back to the person who was attacked and draw them out again.  After the meeting, I will go to the person making the destructive comments and make sure they understand that type of behavior will not be tolerated.

After clearly communicating with someone privately and they continue to demonstrate this type of behavior then they will lose their seat at the table and everyone will know why.

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Promises We Make

Posted by on May 6, 2009

This is the second in a series of posts that I want to make about what I think is a very important subject, our most important relationships.  For the people we care about the most we should be willing to make a few critical promises to demonstrate our level of commitment to them.

The first promise in the series was I will carefully listen to what you have to say.  When we sincerely want to understand what the other person is feeling and thinking we acknowledge their value as a person.

The second promise is that I will always tell you the truth.  The foundation of any relationship is the trust that is shared when I know what you are telling me is the truth.

Obviously, I am not talking about saying that Susan Boyle should become a model. If you meet her tell her she looks good and really mean it.  However, she does have a beautiful voice and she reminded us all not to judge the character of a person by their outward appearance.

When we lie to someone it says more about us than it does about them.  Not telling the truth is our way of deflecting blame and not assuming personal responsibility.

If someone tells me something that really hurts but I know in my heart it is the truth then I can still respect and trust them.  When they make it up and tell me what is convenient for the moment I am the one who is ultimately hurt and they just burned a bridge that sometimes cannot be rebuilt.

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Customer Service At Home

Posted by on May 4, 2009

We all enjoy the experience of some organization or person who goes the extra mile and delivers high quality personal service.  In a day when most companies either put you on a phone tree from hell or only allow contact through email it is really nice when another person is simply pleasant and nice.

Mobile Travel Guide declares themselves as the gold standard of travel ratings and reviews.  They rate hotels and restaurants on a system of one to five stars based on their performance.  When you see their sign and there are at least three to the coveted five stars rating you know that the experience will be a good one.

Every day when we all go out into the public world of work and our daily to do list we interact with lots of other people.  Most of the time, we really try very hard to be courteous and polite to others especially if they are customers, suppliers, co workers or friends.  We give, give, and give to other people all day until we are emotionally spent by the time we head home.

When I evaluate my customer service rating at home I have to admit many times I would not receive even one star much less three to five. I treat the people I care about the most with the least amount of patience and kindness. 

If the Mobile staff were to interview the people who are the closest to you how many stars would you receive?  I am going to do whatever it takes to consistently improve my score.  How about you?

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Leadership Demands Authenticity

Posted by on May 1, 2009

There are many generational issues that have to be resolved between the Baby Boomer generation of existing leaders and the Next Generation workforce that is coming onto the scene.  The old positional power model of simply telling everyone what to do and they automatically follow with no desire for involvement in the process is gone.

Potentially the single greatest leadership quality new leaders are looking for from those in positions of responsibility is authenticity.  They place a high value on working with people that are real and genuine compared to others who like to play mind games.

A leader must know who they are personally and what they believe are the core values for themselves and the organizations they lead.  Then when the hard decisions must be made and there are many of them today, everyone on the team will trust their motives instead of questioning them.

Jack Welch placed a very high value on authenticity for his top leadership team.  In his book Winning he wrote, “Leaders can’t have an iota of fakeness.  They have to know themselves-so that they can be straight with the world, energize followers, and lead with the authority born of authenticity.”

There is nothing better at the end of a long day than to look back and know that all your actions were consistent with your character.  No more playing games just keeping it real.

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Promises We Make

Posted by on April 30, 2009

We all struggle with the commitments we make either to ourselves about eating a healthier diet or to someone else about something we said we would do and simply forgot. When we want to take our commitment to the next level we start making promises.

A promise is defined as a declaration that something will or will not be done and there is assurance given and an expectation created.  Promises should be reserved for the top priorities and the people we care about the most.

One promise we should all be willing to make to the people that matter is that I will carefully listen to what you have to say.  As Stephen Covey said in Seven Habits of Highly Effective People we should first seek to understand the other person before we ask to be understood.

Our motives are no longer to show how smart we are, win the argument or avoid pain.  We sincerely want to understand what the other person is thinking and feeling to the point we acknowledge their value as a person.

Listening involves time and a willingness to be patient until we have embraced all that the other person wanted to share.  Think of at least one person in your life today that you really care about and make a promise that I will lay down my agenda for the benefit of someone else.

Are you listening?

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