Promises We Make #7

Posted by on May 24, 2013

This is the seventh in a series of ten posts on promises we should be willing to make to the people that matter the most in our lives.  A promise goes beyond a mere commitment to do something it carries the clear expectation that we are going to pay the price to do what we said we would do.

The first promise was I will sincerely listen to what you have to say.  Really listening to someone without a personal agenda communicates to them that they have value in your life and that you sincerely care.

The second promise was I will always tell you the truth.  Without this there can be no basis of trust, just ask Elizabeth Edwards how painful that can be.

The third promise is I will apologize when I am wrong.  When someone sincerely and genuinely apologizes we know two things.  They are willing to humble themselves and they want to restore their relationship with us because we still matter to them.

The forth promise is I will forgive you when you hurt me.  There can be no lasting peace in any relationship without the power of forgiveness.  This is even more critical when someone has come to us and sincerely apologized they are asking without saying it will you please forgive me.

The fifth promise is I will live with hope and believe the best.  Relationships are messy and there are always going to be times when people do or say things that upset us.  It is at that precise moment that we have a critical choice to make about how we process what we are hearing.  The bottom line is we will either choose to believe the best about the other person or we will assume the worst.

The sixth promise is I will not manipulate change in you.  This deals with our core motivation when we interact with other people.  If our goal in sharing with this person is to only tell them what they are doing wrong and why they should be the one to change then we are manipulating.

The seventh promise is I will always love you no matter what.  This lets the other person know that our love for them is not based on what they do or how they act but who they are as a person.

It in the truest sense it is unconditional love based on grace given and not performance earned.  This gives people the freedom to fail in their relationship with us without the fear of total rejection on our part because of some mistake they have made.

It is impossible to love someone in this way unless you have first received this kind of love yourself.  Once you have experience God’s love you have the capacity to pass it own to others.  You cannot give to someone else what you have not first received yourself.

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Forgiveness

Posted by on May 13, 2013

One spiritual principle that cannot be violated is that you cannot pass on to others what you have not first received yourself.  This is very hard to do when someone else has hurt us deeply and we find it so difficult to really forgive them.

When we feel the other person is wrong and they are the ones who have caused us pain then why should we give them a release from the debt they so clearly owe?

If we do not forgive them then we will be permanently emotionally bound to them because the issue will never be resolved.  We wake up every day with the memory of this person and our pain as we literally relive the event in our minds over and over again.

The only way out of this bondage is to have the courage to ask ourselves what percentage of the problem is our responsibility.  After all by now we are also wrong because of what we said or the anger and bitterness we feel inside.

If our responsibility is only twenty percent of the problem we must realize that we now have to resolve our relationship with our Heavenly Father.  We can never justify our wrong behavior as a Christian regardless of what someone else has done or said.

Once we have been forgiven and receive the grace we need then for the first time we are in a position to pass that same grace on to the other person.  Now we have peace instead of the pain of the past and regardless of how the other person responds to God’s grace we are free.

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Multi-Generational Churches

Posted by on April 22, 2013

There is always the debate about what is the most effective strategy for reaching new people, change an existing church or simply start a new one with its own unique culture.  In my opinion both have their strengths and weaknesses, so the decision should depend upon the context.

There are several things I have noticed when churches are started with one particular age group in mind as the target.  All of your programming, especially your worship can be one style depending upon the age group in the room.  The staff and the facilities can be designed with the needs of this age group in mind as well.

Although this may work for a short period of time there eventually will be serious challenges that must be addressed.  One day all of these single adults will get married and then they are going to want programming for their children.  Eventually, this same group will become empty nesters and that will bring on another whole set of needs.

My point is simply this, every church given enough time will become multi-generational unless you are going to tell people at some point you need to leave.  Since that is a reality then why not start with a multi-generational model from day one that will avoid all of these potential crisis points that can kill momentum and destroy unity.

An even more significant reason is that it is biblical.  Every person is important to God from the youngest newborn to the oldest senior adult.  The gospel will always be more receptive with younger people but the ministry of the church must include the widow who is all alone.

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The Danger Of Debt

Posted by on April 5, 2013

There is wide agreement among most evangelicals that acquiring debt as a principle is not sinful but the accumulation of it can be devastating.  The borrower is indeed servant to the lender and when we use debt instead of living within our means then we have crossed a line that can lead to broken homes and failed businesses.

As someone who has counseled many couples with marriage problems a clear majority of the time financial problems are near top of the list.  When couples do not take the time to develop budgets that reflect their mutual priorities in life then they eventually grow emotionally distant because they are trying to find happiness in things rather than relationships.

In a very real sense when we consistently have a lifestyle that is supported by debt rather than income we are living a lie.  Whether it’s the clothes we wear, the car we drive or the home we live in, the bottom line is we are trying to meet a real need in the wrong way.

The only way we can maintain our integrity as a believer is to make sure when we have to acquire debt that we clearly have the means to pay it back within a reasonable time period.  When we fail to pay our bills on time and in full we damage our testimony as a Christian and lost people see absolutely no difference in our values than the rest of the world.

God tells us clearly in His word that if we cannot be trusted with material things then we surely cannot be trusted with the deeper and more important spiritual truths in life.  He promised to meet our basic needs but we must all come to the place of answering the question: How much is enough?

The ability to gain wealth according to scripture comes from God.  He expects us to use that ability wisely and yes meet our needs but more than that have plenty left over to share with those who do not have enough food or water to make it another day.

 

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Promises We Make #6

Posted by on April 3, 2013

This is the sixth in a series of ten posts on promises we should be willing to make to the people that matter the most in our lives.  A promise goes beyond a mere commitment to do something it carries the clear expectation that we are going to pay the price to do what we said we would do.

The first promise was I will sincerely listen to what you have to say.  Really listening to someone without a personal agenda communicates to them that they have value in your life and that you sincerely care.

The second promise was I will always tell you the truth.  Without this there can be no basis of trust, just ask Elizabeth Edwards how painful that can be.

The third promise is I will apologize when I am wrong.  When someone sincerely and genuinely apologizes we know two things.  They are willing to humble themselves and they want to restore their relationship with us because we still matter to them.

The forth promise is I will forgive you when you hurt me.  There can be no lasting peace in any relationship without the power of forgiveness.  This is even more critical when someone has come to us and sincerely apologized they are asking without saying it will you please forgive me.

The fifth promise is I will live with hope and believe the best.  Relationships are messy and there are always going to be times when people do or say things that upset us.  It is at that precise moment that we have a critical choice to make about how we process what we are hearing.  The bottom line is we will either choose to believe the best about the other person or we will assume the worst.

The sixth promise is I will not manipulate change in you.  This deals with our core motivation when we interact with other people.  If our goal in sharing with this person is to only tell them what they are doing wrong and why they should be the one to change then we are manipulating.

We must first assume personal responsibility for whatever percentage of the problem is our responsibility by admitting it and giving a sincere apology.  Then and only then are we ready to talk to the person about what they did in a way that will really try to help them to move forward as well.

It is very easy to see what other people are doing wrong and sometimes almost impossible to see the blind spots in our own lives.  When people first see our humility then they will be open to our advice.

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