Coaching Churches

God has designed us so that the most important needs in our lives can only be met through Him.  His next priority is for us to be in a relationship with our spouse that reflects Christ unconditional love for the church and His willing submission to the will of the Father.

The trap I mentioned in the last post is that we can move our faith to the top of the list of personal priorities but we can substitute church for Christ.  Church in many ways is just like the emotional support we get from our career.

We can serve in an important role and gain significance through our responsibilities and tremendous encouragement from all the people we help.  Although these are certainly good things the danger of religion taking the place of a relationship is always emotionally seductive.

Even with faith at the top of the list and family in second place there are dangers there as well.  When husbands and wives do not place their personal relationship above all other people and the pain of rejection starts hurting both parties they move their remaining emotional energy to the children.

After all doing what is best for the children is a worthy goal and it brings great emotional significance.  It can be easy to justify hanging in a bad marriage “for the sake of the children.”

There is only one major problem, it will never work.  The most loving thing a parent can ever do for a child is to love God in a passionate real way and love their spouse with grace and humility.

Other people and other things can never give us what only God can provide unconditional love and lasting significance.  Beyond that the single most important relationship that we have in this life is with our spouse.  Church and children can be dangerous temporary substitutes but they too will leave us empty in the end.

The need to be unconditionally loved and to know that our lives have value and meaning are fundamental to every person on the planet.  We all must have these needs met to some degree and therefore we will keep searching until we find some measure of fulfillment.

We start out in life with our family being the major source of love, protection and encouragement.  When we are in high school and even through our twenties a transition takes place and the two major sources of meeting these needs are now fun and friends.  That is why being a part of some community moves to the top of most young adult’s agenda and they will pay any price to be accepted.

By the time we reach our late twenties we have to start thinking about the future and a career.  For many people the success and emotional support that is offered through work moves this provider to the top of the list.

Family moves back into the list when we get married and eventually start having children of our own.  We even now feel the need to get back in church again so that our children can get what they need as well.

Faith and Family surely will be the answer to meeting our deepest emotional needs for security and significance.  Actually, they can become the biggest trap because even though they are good things they can keep you from the best.

The two major things that all people are searching for in life are security and significance.  Security is the understanding that I am unconditionally loved and significance means that my life has value and meaning.

Most of the time we are searching for both of these needs in all of the wrong places.  We try to find unconditional love in human relationships that all inevitably fail us to some degree and cause pain.

Then we look to our career, church and children to give us the meaning and validation in life that we so desperately need.   Here again although all of these are quote good things and can give us some degree of significance they to in the end leave us wanting more.

All human relationships are important and being successful in every area of our lives should be our goal.  However, the major truth here we are missing is that we can never look to other people or things to give us what only God can provide. 

When our relationship with God is first and His mission for our life is the ultimate measure of our success then all other relationships and endeavors play a secondary role and become complimentary and not primary.

Then when the pain, failure and rejection come in this life they can always be measured against the grace and peace that only God can give.  The assurance that He will never leave us and nothing can separate us from His love gives us the courage to risk living life to the fullest.

In the end He is enough.