Goals vs. Desires

Posted by on June 5, 2009

 

Many times we put a tremendous amount of emotional energy and effort into something only to realize that nothing has changed.  We are worn out with all the work and feel very empty because we are not getting any positive results. 

The core problem most of the time when this happens in my life is when I confuse goals and desires.  A desire is something I want to happen but in the end have no control over the outcome.  On the other hand a goal is something I want or need and do have direct control over the outcome. 

For example you could have a relationship that you care about deeply but no matter how hard you try the other person seems to be unresponsive.  Even though my motives may be right when my methods center around trying to change the other person I have taken a desire and turned it into a goal. 

In relationships the only goal that I should ever have is to change myself.  In doing that it may indeed have a positive impact on the other person but that must remain a desire and never become a goal. 

We hit the wall when we are working on things over which we have no control and that drains us.  Even worse it keeps us from doing the very things we can control and that discourages us. 

This principle applies both to our personal and professional lives.  None of us has the responsibility to solve the global recession but we do have control over our own character. 

The old axiom of do what you can with what you have right where you are is a great place to start.

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Networking

Posted by on June 4, 2009

 

The old mindset was your success depends upon how many people you know.  Today the most important thing is how many people are you helping. 

The focus has shifted to some degree because of the culture created through the use of social media.  The motivating factor behind most people is how can I help others be successful by giving them information that will be helpful. 

It is just as important to be willing to ask other people for help as well.  A true network works then because of the dynamics created because of mutual need.  This in essence is the difference between someone being merely a contact in your database compared with a person in your life. 

Make no mistake; serious business is taking place here.  However, that is a natural result of working with people you like and respect and not using other people to get what I want. 

Never Eat Alone is a great book written by Keith Ferrazzi.  He hates what he calls networking jerks.  If you don’t want to come across as one here are few things he says you must never do: 

Don’t schmooze

Don’t rely on the currency of gossip

Don’t come to the party empty-handed

Don’t treat those under you poorly

Be transparent

Don’t be too efficient 

What we can do is to have a desire to genuinely add value to other people and by doing so knowing we will have made a difference.

 

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Coaching

Posted by on June 3, 2009

If you need help in making some major decisions in your life coaching may be exactly what you need.  There are many types of coaches available from executive, life, fitness and even spiritual.

The one major thing you need to understand about coaching is that it is not counseling or therapy.  The major focus will not be your past and the things that have gone wrong but the future and how you want it to look.

Great coaches don’t have the answers to all your questions.  Their role is to help you by knowing how to ask the right questions so you can see why you may be stuck and what your options are as you move forward.

A coach might ask, What is the one major area in your life you would like to change that would improve your life?  Then, What do you want that area to look like six months from now?  Finally, What do you need to do this week to start closing that gap?

Another important aspect of coaching is accountability.  It really helps when you have someone who is on your side and offers the necessary what do you want to accomplish before our next time together type questions.

With this accountability comes encouragement that reminds you of what you said you wanted to do to change your life and gives you the confidence that you can make it happen.

My experience in using a coach was incredible.  So what are you waiting for give them a no charge to you first call and see if it feels like a good fit.

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The Five Practices Of Leadership

Posted by on June 2, 2009

 

I am constantly reading new materials on leadership and occasionally I review great books from the past.  One of the all time classics is The Leadership Challenge by James Kouzes and Barry Posner.

This very exhaustive book centers around these five simple but very powerful practices:

 Model The Way-Find your voice by clarifying your personal values and set the example by aligning actions with shared values.

 Inspire a Shard Vision-Envision the future by imagining exciting and ennobling possibilities and enlist others in a common vision by appealing to shared aspirations.

Challenge The Process-Search for opportunities by seeking innovative ways to change, grow, and improve and experiment and take risks by constantly generating small wins and learning from mistakes.

Enable Others to Act-Foster collaboration by promoting cooperative goals and building trust.  Strengthen others by sharing power and discretion.

 Encourage The Heart-Recognize contributions by showing appreciation for individual excellence and celebrate the values and victories by creating a spirit of community.        

   

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Leading By Storytelling

Posted by on June 1, 2009

Every leader is constantly trying to find new and creative ways to communicate the culture of their organization both internally and externally.  I have found not better way than storytelling.

The simplest definition of storytelling is when you can link existing personnel, ongoing programming and outstanding performance then you have a story to tell.  This will allow you to reinforce core values and celebrate success by acknowledging over and above situations that give credit to your people and remind everyone of what is really important.

In essence if you have no stories to tell then you are not performing in critical areas.  The good news in most organizations there are character driven people that are doing an outstanding job.  The bad news is their stories are not being told.

I have never seen this work informally by just asking people for outstanding results during a meeting or telling a few stories during annual meeting.  This will probably require formalizing this entire process to create a system where stories can be routinely asked for and submitted to someone who can evaluate them and then find appropriate platform for communication.

This must not feel like a monthly performance review system where everyone is checked against their numbers.  It needs to be like what happened great in your area this month that would encourage everyone in the organization to know.

The formula is simple existing personnel + ongoing programming + outstanding performance = Success.  The only missing piece is telling the story.

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The Importance of Knowing Life Purpose

Posted by on May 29, 2009

In a day when our calendars are beyond full and yet our lives seem to be empty something has gone wrong.  We in many cases have assumed because we are busy the things we are doing must be important.

We clearly have shifted the focus from being as a person to doing and what we are able to accomplish.  Technology has helped us in many cases simply to do the wrong things faster.

The great paradoxes of our time have been summed up well by the Dalai Lama:

“We have more conveniences, but less time.

We have more degrees, but less sense…more knowledge but less judgment.

More experts, but more problems.

More medicines, but less healthiness.

We have been all the way to the moon and back but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor.

We build more computers to hold more information that produce more copies than ever before, but have less communication.

We have become long on quantity, but short on quality.

These are the times of fast foods but weak digestion.

It is a time when there is much in the window but nothing in the room.”

For many of us we have been living the script for our lives that were given to us by someone else; parents, peers, friends or the culture we live in.  The time has come for us to have the courage to say no and the passion to write our own.

 

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Making Destructive Comments

Posted by on May 28, 2009

One of the hallmarks of leadership in the 21st century is participative team building and problem solving.  We have moved from the old top down decision making model to one that allows and encourages everyone’s involvement in the process.

If you are a good leader then you will make sure that everyone has an opportunity to give their opinion and respectfully discuss and even debate the issues so that the best possible solution can be reached.  For some people this type of give and take environment comes easy and for others it is very hard to open up and participate.

As a team leader one thing I watch very carefully is when someone starts to take on another team member personally rather than dealing with their ideas.  This can be very subtle in the beginning but eventually something is said that really stings.

There is a big difference between I do not agree with what you are saying and here is the reason compared to you are wrong and just don’t get it.  Certain people with strong personalities will go after another person when they feel threatened because they know they can intimidate them to back off.

During the meeting when I see this happening I will usually make a point to come back to the person who was attacked and draw them out again.  After the meeting, I will go to the person making the destructive comments and make sure they understand that type of behavior will not be tolerated.

After clearly communicating with someone privately and they continue to demonstrate this type of behavior then they will lose their seat at the table and everyone will know why.

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Team Operating Principles

Posted by on May 27, 2009

The first thing I look for in putting together any team is the right chemistry for the particular task at hand.  If the team is responsible for completing a construction project I need expertise and great project managers.  When the assignment is to create a new vision statement I want very creative people that are willing to think outside the box.

One of the best books on team building is The Performance Factor by Pat MacMillan.  He is the founder and Chief Executive Officer of Team Resources Inc. an international consulting firm specializing in organizational and team development.

Regardless of the team dynamics and the task assignments there should be some guiding principles that give direction to all teams.  The following list from MacMillan is the best one I have found and creates an environment of mutual respect that drives participation and performance:

1.       We are open and honest with one another.

2.      We treat each other with dignity and respect.

3.      We listen to and respect each other’s ideas and opinions.

4.      We hold confidences.

5.      We honor our commitments.

6.      We support and invest in each other’s development.

7.      We routinely critique our processes.

8.      We have fun.

If the team leader can model and get everyone to buy into these principles then the potential for a great outcome has dramatically increased.  When teams often break down it has very little to do with the task at hand but with the way members communicate and relate to each other.

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Weisure Lifestyle

Posted by on May 26, 2009

Welcome to the latest new term to describe the tension that exist between life and work balance.  According to Dalton Conley a New York University sociologist, “increasingly it’s not clear what constitutes work and what constitutes fun time.”  You can read the entire article on CNN.com/living.

More and more people are using their smart phones and other technology to keep up with their 24-7 lifestyle that keeps them in almost constant contact with others.  At one minute we may be quote at work and receive a text message about last night’s game and then later while at quote home get an important email on major project.

It’s one thing to watch a fellow employee scroll through email during a meeting you are attending but now to see the same thing happening during the evening meal is a little harder to swallow.

Apple is probably not going to come up with an app that will schedule time everyday to unplug from all the information that is available to spend time with people who really matter in your life.  We are going to have to discipline ourselves to set some boundaries so that we can have the time we need to wind down and even quietly think without interruption.

Technology can be an incredibly good thing if we use it as a tool to improve our lives.  If we let it though it can easily change from a means to the end into the end itself and when it does that we all lose.

 

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Twitter Power

Posted by on May 25, 2009

I just read this book by Joel Comm on how to dominate your market one tweet at a time.  I am really just beginning to understand all the dynamics of social media so I am trying to read all I can.

All social media seems to be trying to either build community on the one hand or build market share on the other.  When I see that was a good hamburger tweet or please follow me so I can reach 1,000 followers tweets both seem to add little value.

Occasionally I come across people that really seem to want to help other people by supplying helpful information and encourage them in some personal way.  When I find this I think it is extremely positive.

This is a very good book for someone who not only wants to know the basics of microblogging but how can this very powerful tool be used to its maximum potential.  Social media in its simplest form is content that has been created by its audience. 

In one sense twitter is very restrictive with its 140 characters max on each tweet.  However, that small message can reach thousands of people in a matter of seconds and then be resent to thousands of other people all over the world.

My first month on twitter has been a very good experience even as I continue to learn something new every day.  It forces me to think about major subjects in very succinct and relevant ways and that has to be a good thing for anyone who wants to communicate information that other people really want and need.

 

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